Regarding Sideswipe
by PrimeSidesXX
Summary: Sequel to "What Hurts the Most". Sideswipe suffers massive injuries during battle. Can he be saved and if so, what will be the cost of that salvation?
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Regarding Sideswipe 1/?

**Author:** Leslie

**Pairing: **Sunny/Sides, Sunny/Prowl, Sides/Ratchet

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, mores the pity, otherwise we'd have seen 'em in the new movie. *sighs*

**Summary:** _Sideswipe suffers massive injuries during battle. Can he be saved and if so, what will be the cost of that salvation?_

**A/N:** Takes place a couple of years after the '07 movie and about six months after "What Hurts the Most". You don't have to have read that story to read this one, but it might help for some of the flashbacks and some of the later chapters.

Sunstreaker's POV

It was the last day of the month when I woke and turned my head just enough to see my still sleeping twin lying next to me. Six weeks had passed since I'd confessed everything to him regarding his memory loss and the deaths of Cliffjumper and Thundercracker; six weeks since my beloved twin had forgiven me and told me he would always love me. Honestly, I've never been happier.

And then we'd received word yesterday that Starscream had somehow managed to survive my suicide run. Soundwave had arrived with more Decepticons and Prime had reinforced his rules about us not patrolling alone. Ironhide had brought Lennox and his family to the base to keep them safe. Bumblebee had gone to get Sam, but they hadn't yet returned. Sides and I had volunteered to go look for them if they weren't here by late morning.

So, for the moment, I was content to lie here next to Side's as if there was nothing to do and no one to bother us. I let myself think back to the night before and smiled. I seemed to be doing a lot of that lately; the whole smiling thing. It was my twin's fault, too. Not that I was really complaining, mind you. I turned on to my side and reached over to let my hand rest against his chest. I could feel the vibrations of his 'breathing' as it were and it reassured me that all was once again right in our small little world of two. I scooted closer, wondering just how heavily he was sleeping as I let my hand move from his chest up to the area just below his jaw line. He shifted slightly, head turning just a little towards me and I slid my fingers further into that area and his optics slowly came online as woke.

"Sunny," he whispered softly, his hand sliding over mine, holding it still against that one place that I knew could do him so much damage and yet give him so much pleasure. It was a double-edged sword, so to speak, but he loved when I touched him there, much as I loved when he touched the exact same place on me.

"So, not as deeply asleep as I thought you might be," I whispered in return. His optics brightened considerably as he released my hand and I slid my fingers more securely around his neck. He tilted his head allowing me that access and, as always, I was amazed at the amount of trust he put in me, especially after the events of the past few weeks.

"I will always trust you," Sides whispered as if knowing what I was thinking; although, he probably did know. He's always been that way. We both have. He brushed his fingertips across my face and sighed contentedly as I tightened my grip around his neck and pulled him closer, my own optics I'm sure showing the heat I felt within my core.

"I know," I replied just before kissing him. But wherever such actions might have taken us was to be short lived when someone began banging on our locked door. I growled almost angrily and Side's slipped his hand between mine and his neck and slowly shook his head.

"We'll finish this later," he whispered before untangling himself from me and walking to the door, opening it to find Prowl outside. "Prowl? What's wrong?" I slid out of the bed and walked over behind him. Our sub-commander looked pretty upset.

"We just received a distress call from Bee. He and Sam are being pursued by Barricade and the Seekers…" We didn't even let him finish before we were out the door and down the hall.

"Transmit their coordinates to us," I shouted over my shoulder. "Who's going with us?"

"Ironhide and Ratchet will follow you shortly," he yelled back as we all ran down the hall towards the entrance to the base. "They are the closest to meeting you. Everyone else is either on patrol too far away or still in recharge."

"We'll get them," Sideswipe said as we reached the entrance and transformed into our alt forms and headed out, leaving Prowl in a cloud of our dust.

We were about fifteen minutes from Bee's last known position and I could only hope he'd managed to get closer. Ever since the truth had come out about all the things I'd done to keep Sides sane and safe, the 'bots in general had tried to get closer to me, but especially Bumblebee. I had found him one night, not long after I'd returned to sharing quarters with my twin, and the youngster and I had talked for quite some time…

"Hey, Bumblebee, you got a minute?" I asked, finding him alone in the common room late one night. The yellow Camero had turned his baby-blue optics towards me and had nodded, albeit somewhat nervously. I moved closer and sat on the table in front of him, bringing us to about the same eye level. "Listen, I know you've seen the vids from Sideswipe's memory banks and I know you saw everything I did back on Cybertron. First off, I want to apologize because if it weren't for me, you'd have never been hurt by Megatron."

"_That's not true," Bee said quietly, his voice still somewhat harsh and rough. I wanted to reach out but I'm not that kind of bot and he knows it; so do I and sometimes that hurts. "Sunny, I don't blame you for the loss of my voice. I blame Megatron. He wanted the location of our base, he wanted to know Prime's plan to save the Allspark and I wouldn't tell him anything. It was never your fault. You did what you had to do to save your brother and I understand that. It is the same thing I would have done to save anyone I cared for as much as you care for Sides."_

"_I wanted to tell you back then how proud I was of all you did to keep everyone safe and to give our comrades time to send the Cube out into space. I just… I couldn't say the words. I couldn't tell you… I mean, please understand. I'm a warrior, Bee. Had been for many thousands of years before you were ever created. Those words just didn't come easily for me, especially after all that happened to my twin." Bee nodded and it was what he did next that surprised me most. He reached out and placed one hand on the side of my face._

"_You love your brother. You care for all of us around you. But you were afraid to show those feelings because the Decepticons used them against you at every turn. None of us got it, none of us knew what you'd put yourself through back then or even now more recently. We should have never branded you a traitor or a psychopathic murderer because you are none of those things. You're Sunny. That's all we ever should have needed to know…"_

He had impressed me and he'd earned my respect and my protection that night. And now, he needed us and damned if I was going to let him or his human pet be hurt ever again.

Bumblebee's POV

"Can't we go any faster?" Sam yelled at me as we drove across the desert and away from the Decepticons that were following us.

"I'm trying," I growled back, sending out a second signal to base hoping that someone was close to us now. "Bumblebee to Base, I could really use some help out here!"

"Hang on, Bumblebee," came Prowl's voice through my audio receptors. "The twins are headed your way and Ironhide and Ratchet are on their way as well. What is your status?"

"Getting my ass kicked at the moment," I replied sarcastically, though not untruthfully. "Sam is safe inside me for the moment but Barricade is getting closer."

"Hang tight, little one," Prowl replied. "You should be seeing the twins at any moment."

Years ago, hell, up until a few weeks ago, those very words would have brought fear upon my core, but recently, it'd been as if they'd taken over my protection and refused to let anything bad come to Sam or me. If the twins were coming, I knew we'd be safe.

"Sunstreaker and Sideswipe are on their way," I told Sam, "and so are 'Hide and Ratchet." I knew if Ironhide was on his way then Lennox was probably with him. The older man, a soldier in this world, had become attached to Sam and Mikaela and was just as protective of them as we were.

"Yeah, well, they'd better get here soon 'cause that damn Screamer is right on our tale!" I sped up but my systems were beginning to overheat. I didn't know how much longer I could hold this speed. Just when I thought I would have to stop and fight, I heard twin yells of anger and saw the dust cloud that brought the two Lamborghini's into view.

"Head for the dunes, Bumblebee," Sunstreaker yelled as he transformed mid-spin and took to the air after a now transforming Barricade. "We got you covered." I watched as his twin, equally as impressive, transformed and launched himself at the now transformed Starscream. The Seeker's own brothers transformed and rolled into the fray leaving Sam and I clear to get away. I maneuvered us behind a set of dunes and Sam got out, giving me the chance to transform into my own robot mode. I watched the twins take on the four Decepticons but it wasn't a fair fight by any means. I turned and looked down at Sam.

"Stay here," I ordered before taking off after the group of fighting 'bots. I brought out my cannons and begin firing before I even reached the middle of the battle and managed to catch Soundwave in his knee, bringing him down. For a brief moment, Sunstreaker looked my way, nodded with a rare smile, and then turned back to Barricade. I heard sounds from above and looked up to spot Dirge just before Frenzy and Ravage jumped me from behind. Around me, the very world seemed to explode and I heard Sunstreaker scream and then everything went black…

Ratchet's POV

Ironhide and I sped through the Mojave Desert doing our damndest to find Bumblebee and the twins. I heard jets scream overhead going in the opposite direction and was almost run over by a police car that almost looked like Prowl.

"Barricade and the seekers!" Ironhide yelled out as they passed us but kept going and didn't bother engaging us in battle. That, right there, should have told me that we weren't going to like what we found. As we rolled into the area where the battle had taken place, it was Lennox who made the first observation.

"What the hell happened?"

What indeed. Ironhide stopped to let Lennox out as he and I transformed and Lennox took off to where Sam was sitting next to a damaged Bumblebee. Ironhide went with him and I turned towards the twins…

I knew then that we'd been too late.

As I approached them, Sunstreaker, badly damaged and leaking energon from several places, cradled his graying brother in his arms, rocking him gently and whispering softly to him. As I drew nearer, I realized it wasn't just whispered words of nonsense. He was singing to his brother. I knelt before them both and reached out, my fingers gently grasping Sunny's chin and raising his gaze to mine.

"How bad are you hurt?"

"Not as bad as him," he whispered as tears flowed down his face. "Please, Ratchet, I can't lose him." I looked down at Sideswipe and was fairly certain I wasn't going to have a choice in the matter. I turned around.

"Ironhide! Call Prime and get him out here immediately. I need transport for Sides."

"Already done and they're halfway here." I didn't ask who 'they' were. I didn't care. I turned back to my twins.

"Where's he hit?" But Sunstreaker turned Sideswipe's head a little and I realized I didn't need an answer from the yellow mech. Much of the back of Sideswipe's head was missing or damaged severely and he was leaking pink and gray energon from the wound. Another wound to his chest showed lots of damage but not nearly as severe as the head wound. I quietly did what I could to stabilize the red twin all the while talking quietly to his brother.

"Where are you hit, Sunstreaker?"

"Uh… left leg, back and right arm." I glanced beneath his unconscious brother's form and found that his left leg wasn't just damaged; it was missing from the knee down. This had not been just another run of the mill battle. "They knew we'd come," he whispered softly, his fingers brushing softly down the side of his brother's face.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I continued working to stabilize Sideswipe. Ironhide stayed with Bumblebee but at least the youngster was awake and not in serious danger.

"They went after Bumblebee knowing Sides and I would come for him." I looked up at that and saw the sadness in his blue optics and realized he honestly believed what he'd just said. I had no chance to reply before Optimus, Prowl and Wheeljack arrived on the scene. I was glad Optimus had seen fit to bring Prowl. I had a feeling that once Wheeljack and I tried to remove Sunstreaker from his brother, we'd have a fight on our hands. Wheeljack came my way as Optimus checked on Bumblebee and Prowl kept his gaze on the skies, watching out for our safety.

"How bad is it?" Wheeljack asked softly as he approached.

"We've got to get him back to base," I said as I discreetly pointed out the wound to Sideswipe's head. 'Jack nodded and turned towards the approaching Prime.

"We need your trailer, Prime," he said quietly as Prime knelt down to see what had happened. Prime nodded and looked up at Sunstreaker.

"We need to get Sideswipe back to base, Sunstreaker," I said softly but the yellow mech didn't seem to hear me and I looked at Prime. "Get Prowl over here." Prime knew better than to question my orders where the twins were concerned and so without another word, he signaled Prowl to come over. Prowl took one look at the twins and for a moment I thought he was going to lose it but he pulled back up his walls and knelt just behind Sunstreaker and rested both hands on the yellow twin's shoulders.

"Sunstreaker, I must ask you to listen to me. Can you do that, please?" Sunstreaker nodded almost absently. "Good. Ratchet and Wheeljack need to load Sideswipe into Prime's trailer and get him back to base, but we need you to let go of him so we can do that. Will you do that for us, please?"

"I don't want to lose him," Sunstreaker whispered and, at that moment, he sounded younger than Bumblebee, who had managed, with Ironhide's help, to make his way over to us as well.

"I know you fear for him, but in order to save him, we must return him to base," Prowl explained as one would speak to a human child almost. "Every moment we spend here takes another moment away from your brother." Apparently, that was all Sunny needed to hear. He looked up at me and nodded once.

"Take him," he almost pleaded. With Prime and 'Jack's help, we lifted Sideswipe carefully and laid him in the back of Prime's trailer. Prime transformed and began to head to base. I turned back to Wheeljack.

"Get Sunstreaker stabilized and get him back to base. I'm going with Prime so I can begin working on Sideswipe." Wheeljack nodded and I transformed and headed after Prime.

We traveled silently and fast, knowing that Sideswipe's life was on the line and that, if we lost him, we would most certainly lose his brother. I was not going to let that happen.

Prowl's POV

I was left with the broken Sunstreaker leaning against me as Ratchet and Prime drove away. His left leg was gone from the knee down, his back panels were heavily damaged and his arm was dented and bruised. To my right, Bumblebee sat on the ground, paying no attention to his own injuries as he took Sunstreaker's hand in his and held it tightly. Sunstreaker didn't even seem to notice.

"Wheeljack, could we speed this along, please? I believe our boy is going into shock here." Wheeljack nodded as I turned to Ironhide. "Ironhide, take Lennox and Sam back to base. They will be safer there should our enemies decide to come back and finish their attack."

"I'd like to stay with you and make sure Sunstreaker stays lucid," Lennox said quietly. I thought for a moment then nodded slowly before turning to our youngster.

"Bumblebee, can you transform?"

"Slowly, but yes," he answered quietly.

"Go with Ironhide and get Sam to base. We will be there shortly. You need to be looked over and Perceptor will no doubt have time to spare if he is not busy with Ratchet." There are times when the younger 'bot has but to turn those baby blue optics on me and I melt but he knows that now is not such a time. I have team members injured and I am in no mood to repeat my orders.

"Take care of him," he whispers before moving aside and transforming back into his Camero form. I watch Sam slide in through the passenger door as Lennox sits down and, although much smaller than Bumblebee, takes what he can of Sunstreaker's hand in his own and holds it tightly. We watch Hide and Bee take off and I turn back to Wheeljack.

"How long until he can be moved?"

"He should be able to transform and I can tow him back. It'll be slow and tedious, but we'll get him there, make no mistake." I nodded as Wheeljack transformed and turned so I could get Sunstreaker attached. I glanced down at the injured mech lying against me.

"Sunstreaker, I need for you to transform so that we can get you back to base. Can you do this for me?"

"I don't understand," he whispered softly and for a moment I thought he meant that he didn't understand what I'd asked him to do. "I don't understand why this keeps happening…" He trailed off and transformed without another word. With Lennox's help, we get him hooked up to Wheeljack and I transform and Lennox climbs inside. We head out of the desert and back to base. Sunstreaker says nothing during the drive and that bothers me more than it should.

"He's awfully quiet," Lennox observes when we are halfway back to base.

"Yes he is," I answer quietly. "I fear what will happen if we lose Sideswipe."

"Me too," he answers and then grows quiet once more. As we reach base, I see Bluestreak waiting for us and I have to wonder if we've arrived to bad news. We transform and Bluestreak and I balance Sunstreaker between ourselves, carrying him to the infirmary, Wheeljack and Lennox behind us. Inside the infirmary, Ratchet and Perceptor are working away on Sideswipe while Bumblebee rests in a bed on the other side of the room. Bluestreak and I set Sunstreaker on a table and leave him to Wheeljack's care. I motion Bluestreak to stay with the yellow mech as I move closer to the table where Ratchet works on the red twin.

"How bad is he?" I ask quietly.

"Bad enough," Ratchet answers grimly. "His core keeps trying to go offline on us. I've had to restart him twice already."

"Do what you can," I say before turning back to where Wheeljack is working on Sunstreaker. It is then that I notice his head has turned to stare at his brother and I move so that he can see more clearly. A few minutes later, Wheeljack administers a sedative and Sunstreaker's optics darken in sleep. I sigh heavily and sit down to wait…

It is several hours later before Wheeljack has finished the repairs on Sunstreaker's leg and moved on to help Ratchet and Perceptor with Sideswipe when I hear a faint argument begin.

"We're going to lose him," Wheeljack says quietly.

"I refuse to let him go. There's got to be another way to save him." Ratchet is angry, hurting and not willing to let go of the red twin. I don't blame him.

"There is not much more we can do for him," Perceptor adds almost tonelessly. "His cpu banks are severely damaged and his core doesn't have the strength to heal the damage done to his body. He's lost a great deal of energon, and replacement is taking far too long."

"Can you do an organ transfer to save him?" This comes from the human, Will Lennox, who has arrived with Sam and Ironhide. Ratchet turns to him slowly.

"What do you mean?" the medic asks. I turn to face the human, curious as well.

"When humans are damaged this badly, doctors can give them a new heart, or kidney or liver in order to save them and they can go on to resume their lives once more. Isn't his core kinda like our heart?"

"It's similar," Ratchet answers, "but the problem is, replacing the core isn't like replacing a heart. Sideswipe's core holds all of his memories, all of his code, all of who he is. His body is severely damaged."

"Build… new body…" We all stop and turn to see Sunstreaker doing his damndest to sit up on the bed. Ratchet goes to him and looks him over quickly.

"What are you saying, Sunny?" he asks the yellow bot quietly. Sunstreaker looks past Ratchet to his dying brother and I see the fluid in his optics.

"Remove his core, keep it on full support and rebuild his body." Ratchet looks over his shoulder at Perceptor.

"Would that work?" Perceptor nods slowly.

"It might, but we still have to consider the possibility that he may remember nothing when we bring him back online. It would be like raising a child."

"I'll take that chance," Sunstreaker said quietly yet authoritatively. I stood and walked over to him slowly.

"Do you understand what it will do to your brother?" Sunstreaker looked at me and I knew he understood.

"I won't lose him," he said almost angrily. I nodded and turned to Ratchet.

"Remove the core and I'll begin working on materials and coding immediately." Ratchet nodded and returned to his place at Sideswipe's side. I turned back to Sunstreaker. "Rest and we will all do what we can for him." I patted him on the arm and left the infirmary. I was bound and determined that we would save the red mech and everything would be okay once again.

Sunstreaker POV

It took them almost three weeks to rebuild Sideswipe's body. I watched as much as Ratchet would let me. I spent a good deal of time just sitting next to where his core was being kept, talking to it, much as I'd done long ago for a sparkling whose name escapes me now. He didn't survive the last Great War… but I was determined my brother would survive all of this.

At the end of the fourth week, Prowl came to my quarters and knocked on the open door before stepping inside. I looked up from the sketch I was working on and stood slowly.

"Is everything okay?" Prowl nodded slowly.

"Ratchet has requested your presence in the infirmary. I informed him I would come and bring you to him myself. I believe he is ready to transfer your brother's core into his rebuilt body."

"Then let's get going," I say as I start to move past him. He reaches out and grabs my arm. I stop and look at him. "What?"

"I want you to be prepared for anything, Sunstreaker," he says softly. "I do not wish to have you spend the night in the brig for any reason. Do we have an understanding?" I nod slowly. "Good." He releases my arm and we walk quickly towards the infirmary where Ratchet is waiting for us.

"Good, you're here," he says with a weary smile. "I'm going to transfer your brother's core into his rebuilt body. Now, we don't know if or when he'll wake, but I thought you'd want to be here."

"Thanks, Ratchet," I answered, moving closer and taking a black hand in mine, holding it tightly. "We're ready whenever you are." Ratchet nodded and turned, lifting the core carefully and turning to slip it into Sideswipe's chest. The core slides into place and I watch the spark shimmer and grow slowly, attaching itself to imperative parts and starting up Sideswipe's vital organs once again.

"Monitors all look good," Wheeljack reports as Ratchet nods slowly and begins to slowly close Sideswipe's chest plates. I squeezed my brother's hand and watched everything carefully.

"Just a little longer, bro," I whisper softly. "You'll be back with us soon." Ratchet finished his work and looked over at Wheeljack for another report.

"Well?" he asked softly.

"Looks good. All his systems are coming back online, his major organs are all responding to the code. I think he's going to pull through, Ratchet." I watched the medic smile and turn back to us.

"He'll be okay, Sunny," he says and I nod slowly.

"Thank you, Ratchet."

"You're welcome." He looks down at Sideswipe and gently brushes his fingers across the top of my brother's head. "And you, you red hellion, try to stay out of trouble from now on."

"O…kay…" comes the harsh whisper that causes all of us to stop and wait. After another moment, blue optics begin to slowly shimmer into being and he blinks a couple of times before focusing on me. "I… I know… you…" he whispers and I nod slowly. "Sunny."

"Yeah, bro, it's me."

"Where…?" he trails off, his gaze finding Ratchet. "Who are you?" he asks, and I pick up on the fear in his voice. "Where am I?" I begin to hear the tone of voice and it scares me. He sounds so… young. I look over his prone body to Ratchet who slowly shakes his head.

"You're on Earth, inside Autobot headquarters," Ratchet answers slowly. There is a look of fear on Sideswipe's face as he turns back to me.

"Sunny, I'm scared. I want to go home."

"We are home, bro," I answer, worried now. What's happening?

"Uh uh," he answers and I am reminded of the little human girl we'd met not long after arriving here on Earth. He sounds like… a child…

"Sides, look at me, okay?" He looks up at me and I see the pure trust in his optics and I am lost. "What do you remember last?"

"I don't know," he whispers. "Sunny, I wanna go home. Please, can't we go back to Cybertron? Can't we go home?"

At his plea, I turn away from him and let the fluid in my optics flow down my face. Whatever we'd done, whatever I'd allowed Ratchet and 'Jack to do, they'd kept Sides alive, but they'd given him back to me with the understanding of nothing more than an autobot child…

_TBC… so, like it? Hate it? Let me know so I can either continue or not. Thanks!_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Hands and Knees

Sunstreaker POV

It was two weeks after he woke that Ratchet was ready to release Sideswipe into my care and while part of me worried about his state of mine, I was ready to have my brother back no matter what things were now like. So, when I'd gotten the word, I went to speak with Prime about living space now that Sideswipe was on the mental equivalent of a Cybertronian child.

I found our leader in his office and I knocked at the door, waiting for his call. I didn't have to wait long.

"Come in." I opened the door to find Prime and Bumblebee sitting at his desk looking over schematics and the likes. Prime looked up and seemed a little startled to see me at first, but quickly covered his surprise. "Sunstreaker, what can I do for you?" Bumblebee looked up and stood slowly but I raised a hand to stop him.

"It's okay, Bee, you don't need to leave. Prime, Ratchet has decided to release Sideswipe to me today, but I'm having a problem." Prime waved me to an empty chair and I sat down with a sigh.

"I know you and your brother have always been close," Prime began softly, "and I know that none of this is easy for you. Whatever we can do to help, please, just let us know." I nodded slowly.

"I know the room next to ours isn't being used, hasn't been used since we arrived. I wanted your permission to knock out the wall and combine the two rooms, give Side's his own space so to speak." I trailed off with the thought, _and keep me from going insane by having him so close…_ Prime raised a brow slightly but nodded slowly.

"I understand your reasons for this… move so to speak. I don't see why it would be a problem, Sunstreaker. Do whatever you need to do to make things more comfortable for you and your brother." I nodded slowly and stood.

"Thanks, Prime." I turned to leave and then turned back, a thought just coming to mind. "How long have you known?" Prime sighed heavily.

"I knew before we left to follow the Allspark that you and Sideswipe were bonded. It often happens in cases like yours, although to be honest, there never has been a case like yours, but even Ratchet knows and understands." He stood and came around the desk, resting a hand on my shoulder. "I know it can't be easy on you, for Sideswipe to have no memory of your life together and I know it also won't be easy on you as his mind matures but you have to remember that, despite his mentality, he is still physically the same age as you are." I nodded slowly.

"Thanks, Prime," I answered softly before leaving his office and moving slowly down the hallway.

"Let him know that you know best  
>Cause after all you do know best<br>Try to slip past his defense  
>Without granting innocence<br>Lay down a list of what is wrong  
>The things you've told him all along<br>And pray to God he hears you  
>And pray to God he hears you"<p>

I turned to find Bumblebee behind me and I tilted my head slightly. He hadn't needed to talk by way of the radio in quite some time now so I was a little confused until the words of the song actually caught on and I nodded slowly, smiling a little at the mini-bot.

"I know what you're saying, Bee, I've just never been in this kind of position before. How do you live with someone you love who doesn't remember that you love him?"

"It's always have and never hold

_You've begun to feel like home_

_What's mine is yours to leave or take_

_What's mine is yours to make your own."_

"I get your point, Bee," I told him quietly and he nodded slowly.

"If you ever want any help, just let me know," he whispered harshly and I realized his voice must be giving him trouble.

"I will." I turned and walked away once more. I had a few hours to get things in place before I had to get Side's from Ratchet. I only hoped the changes I was going to make would be for the best. I didn't want to lose my brother but I wasn't so sure about how to go about raising someone who was supposed to be my twin.

Ratchet POV

I watched Sideswipe pace around the infirmary a little cautiously. He still didn't remember me and therefore was still somewhat afraid of what I might or might not do to him. The only one he seemed able to recall was Sunstreaker, not that this should surprise anyone. He seemed okay around Bumblebee but I have a feeling that is because the youngster understands and remembers this age so to speak. He seemed scared of Ironhide, but tolerant of Prowl and impressed yet cowed by Prime. I'm not sure how Sunstreaker is going to manage this child-like twin of his; I can only hope that if he needs help, he'll ask for it.

I sigh heavily and decide one last check is in order before Sunstreaker arrives to retrieve his twin.

"All right, Sides," I say as kindly as possible, "up on the table and let me get one last check before your brother comes to collect you." He looks at me warily but smiles and slides on to the table, settling there quietly for the moment. I get a listen to his chest, I check the status and workings of his core and his cpu and I make him move his hands, fingers and feet and everything seems okay. I check his optics and he blinks a few times and I do my best not to chuckle.

"When's Sunny gonna get here?" he asks as I step back.

"Soon as he can, son. Just try to be patient." He sighs heavily and begins to swing his legs, bumping his heels against the metal table. I roll my eyes and shake my head before turning back to my datapad and making some notations. Another heavy sigh and I turned back to find him fiddling with one of my tools. I drop the pad and walk over to him, holding my hand out to him.

"Wha?" he asks almost innocently with a cheeky smile I just can't seem to resist. His optics are shimmering with laughter and I shake my head once more.

"You're brother certainly will have his hands full with you," I say, taking the tool from him and putting it back on my desk. "All right, off the table before you break something." He grinned and slid off the table, walking around the infirmary once more.

"Hey, Ratchet, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Sides," I answer, not really watching him as I went back to my data pad. "What is it?"

"If Sunny and me are twins, how come he's lots smarter than me?" I looked up at him then and sighed softly.

"We talked about this, Sideswipe. You got into a fight and one of our enemies, the Decepticons, shot you in the head and it wiped out most of your memory banks. You may one day recover some of your more recent memories but you've lost most of the older ones and your cpu is trying to restore itself, which is why you feel as if you're not as old or as smart or as knowledgeable as your brother or the rest of us. I promise you, you're just as smart as he is, but right now, he's just a little more… intact. Okay?"

" 'K" he answers before leaning against the wall. I'm not sure what more I would have or could have said because Sunstreaker chose that exact moment to arrive. He glanced at me almost worriedly but I gave him a reassuring smile as he turned to his brother.

"Hey, Sides, you ready to get out of here?" Sideswipe nodded, pushing away from the wall and clinging to his brother tightly. Sunstreaker shot a quick look at me before wrapping his arms tightly around his twin. "What's wrong, bro?"

"Nothing," the red one replied. "Just you looked like you needed a hug and who better than me, right?" I heard Sunstreaker chuckle and I smiled.

"Yeah, who better. Well listen," he continued, stepping back and looking at his twin, "I've got our room all set and everything's been cleaned out and set back up again so I was thinking we'd head there first and then, if you're feeling up to it a little later, we'll take a ride outside for awhile." He looked over at me. "If that's allowed?"

"Sure," I answered. "Just do me a favor and stay close to base for awhile, least until our little hellion here gets his whereabouts and such."

"No problem there," Sunstreaker said, turning his blue optics back on his brother. "Sound good to you?"

"Sure," Sideswipe answered before he turned and walked over to me. He damn near pounced on me but I let him, folding my arms around him briefly. It was a start.

"Have fun with your brother and come back if anything starts to bother you."

"Okay. Thanks, Ratchet." He released me then turned to his brother. "Let's go." Without waiting for an answer, Sides took off out into the hallway. Sunstreaker turned to me slowly and I saw fear in those matching blue optics. He wanted promises and reassurances I couldn't yet give him but I had to at least give him something to hold on to for the time being.

"At least he's alive, Sunny," I said quietly. "In time, I firmly believe he will be back to his somewhat normal self with most of his more recent memories intact. It will just take time and you have to be patient."

"I know," he answered quietly. "Thanks, Ratchet. For everything." I watched him leave and hoped, once again, that he could handle all of this without breaking himself down in the process.

Sideswipe POV

I had beat Sunny to our room and waited outside for him to arrive. I had a feeling he wanted to talk to Ratchet so I'd left him behind to do so. Now I saw him walking towards me and I grinned at him. He smiled back at me but I could still see the uncertainty in his blue optics. I wanted to make him feel better but I didn't know how. He passed his hand over the sensor next to the door and the door opened and I walked in with him right behind me. The door closed and stopped in the middle of the room, looking around you.

"You changed it all," I said quietly, frowning slightly. Wait. How did I _know_ he'd changed it all?

"Excuse me?" he said, looking at me curiously.

"I mean, I don't think this is right. I had this… vision of the room and we had two beds shoved together and the room was, well, smaller." He sighed heavily and nodded slowly.

"I think, for the time being, this works out better for us both. The space is larger and we each have our own sides and enough room for our things. For now, just let it go. Please." I think it was that 'please' that did it for me, made me be quiet and just accept everything as it was for the time being. I was already losing part of Sunny; I didn't want to lose him all. And then I had an image, something I could do to make him feel much better. I stepped closer to him and brought my hand to the side of his face. He looked at me curiously.

"What are you doing?" he asked somewhat harshly.

"I want to make you feel better," I answered truthfully. "Smile for me, Sunshine." He stepped back but I grabbed the side of his neck and held there when he gasped in surprise. "Please?"

"Stop, Sides. Please." He put his hand over mine and brought it down, away from the sensitive spot on his neck.

"Why?" I asked somewhat petulantly.

"We can't do this, that's why," he answered, still holding on to my hand.

"I have images that say otherwise." He sighed heavily and stepped further back.

"What do you remember?" he asked softly and for a brief moment I saw hope flare in his optics but honestly, I didn't remember anything. I just had an image and I acted on it.

"I don't. I just… this is natural." I reached for him again and again he backed away.

"Don't."

"I don't understand," I said, dropping my hand again.

"I know," he answered softly.

"I thought you loved me," I pouted slightly. He sighed heavily once more.

"I do love you, Sides, and therein lies the problem. You don't remember me in that respect. You have no idea what I feel for you, what you felt for me or why."

"But we…" he cut me off by raising his hand. I saw his eyes flash angrily.

"Yeah, we did, when you were intact and everything was okay." I let the silence hang between us for a moment until another thought invaded my mind.

"Is there someone else?"

"What?" He sounded shocked and yet… there was something in his eyes that flashed then quickly disappeared. "No, there's not someone else, not that it would make a difference. It's happened in the past but… damnit, listen to me! I will not go around fragging someone who is the equivalent to a child, especially when he's my own damn brother!" I didn't know what to say to that and he bowed his head, trying to will away his anger.

"Sunny," I whispered, stepping towards him. He looked up sharply and shook his head, backing towards the door.

"I can't. I'm sorry." He turned and damn near bolted from the room, the door sliding shut behind him. I watched him go, I couldn't say anything more and I had no idea what I'd done to screw things up so badly or how to go about making them right once more.

Prowl POV

He was livid by the time I found him outside the base, pacing the deserted landscape, kicking at rocks or anything else that got in his way. Sideswipe had come down to my office, almost hysterical about the argument he'd caused and I'd had the lovely task of trying to explain his brother to him in such a way as to not reveal their bond to each other. That was something I wanted to red twin to remember for himself; for both their sakes. I'd finally managed to calm the red mech and had sent him off with Bluestreak for the time being and had made it my personal duty to find his twin and see what I could do for him.

It is common knowledge that, up until several weeks ago, most Autobots steered clear of Sunstreaker for fear of what he might do should someone upset him. But now we all knew what had driven him to his anger and coldness and some of us had even gotten to know him better as time had gone forward. I had found myself growing attached to the deadly warrior on more than one occasion and I suppose that is why I thought myself the most logical of choices to go after him at that moment.

As I stood there watching him, I felt something within my core tighten and I knew I was feeling sympathy for him. Out of all of us who had surfaced over the last few years, only four of us knew the truth of how tightly bound the twins really were; Prime, Ratchet, Bumblebee and myself. I knew, as I watched him that this had to be more painful for him than anything else ever had been. In a sense, he had been given back his brother but he had lost his bond mate. He had love without substance and loyalty without remembrance. I knew he needed someone who would understand; someone who knew what it meant to lose that part of your life. After all, Sunstreaker had been there for me when we'd learned of Jazz's demise and Jazz and I had been bond mates for more years than I could count anymore.

I watched him finally wear himself out as the sun set and sit down on the ground near a cliff, his legs dangling over the edge. I wasn't very happy with that, but figured I'd leave it be for now as I walked slowly towards him. I didn't think he'd throw himself over, but there were times I'd wondered. I know he heard me coming because just as I reached him, he held up his hand and I reached down and took it, letting him pull me down next to him on the cliff.

"You've been angry," I said quietly as he kept hold of my hand for a moment longer before releasing it.

"Not really angry," he began quietly, "just frustrated." I nodded slowly, listening quietly. "I just don't understand. After everything he's survived, everything we've been through, and this is how it all ends up. I remember everything and he's no more than a child who I now have to raise, re-teach everything to, and hope that I stay alive long enough for him to recover the memories Ratchet believes he'll recover."

"Prime wants to tone down your mission takes," I tell him quietly. "Thinks it might be safer for you and better for Side's. With him like he is, losing you might prove more damaging than anything else."

"He doesn't even know we're bonded!" I reached over and put my arm around his shoulders, bringing him closer to me.

"What started the argument today, Sunny?" I asked softly, not wanting to upset him, but needing to know what had happened and if it was fixable.

"He was trying to make me feel better," he answered, bowing his head slightly.

"And that started the argument?"

"It was how he was going about trying to make me feel better that caused the argument."

"I see," I said thoughtfully. "I'm guessing he had some… idea that by doing so he would get back some of what he'd lost, too."

"Probably," Sunstreaker answered almost painfully. "I told him I couldn't do it, I just… couldn't let him do those things to me, not like before. It's not right." I raised a brow slightly.

"He's your bond mate, Sunstreaker. How is it not right?" Apparently, I didn't understand any better than his twin.

"He has the understanding of a child, Prowl! I won't do this to him. Not until I am completely sure he understands everything and gets at least a few memories back. I just… I can't." He was vibrating from the energy he was putting out, his frustration making him shake as he sat next to me.

"You have to do something. You can't go back there to him like this. He'd touch you or say your name the wrong way and all your good intentions will be gone." He looked over at me slowly, his optics narrowing slightly.

"I can't very well not go back to him, Prowl. He's a child. I can't leave him alone." I nodded slowly.

"I sent him off with Bluestreak after he came down to me in hysterics because you'd walked out on him after the argument. Blue's going to take him for a drive, get him settled down and I told him you'd be along later tonight after Side's was in recharge." Sunstreaker nodded slowly, his optics still focused on me as he did so.

"Got my whole evening planned out, huh?" I chuckled slightly.

"Maybe," I answered somewhat carefully. He turned towards me, watching me all the while. I honestly had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew I couldn't let him back at his brother in his current state of mind. "Unless you'd rather be left alone out here."

"I won't hurt my brother," he whispered softly. "And I won't hurt you, either."

"I sincerely hope not," I answered, trying to keep things from getting to serious or maudlin between us. He leaned closer, his hand resting on the side of my face.

"You should also understand that I am not a replacement for Jazz and you are not a replacement for Sideswipe." His fingers kept sliding softly along my jaw and down into a crevice just below on my neck.

"I should hope not," I whispered harshly, biting back the moan I wanted so badly to let out.

"Good." Before I could say anything further he had pushed me backwards and was on top of me, kissing me none to gently. I gripped both of his arms tightly and held him in place not wanting to lose the feel of him against me. After a moment of kissing, he broke off and leaned up, looking down at me and I could see something in his eyes that I hadn't ever seen before, especially not directed at me. I reached up, brushing the tips of my fingers across the side of his face. I watched his optics dim momentarily and then he was kissing me again…

As we lay next to each other later, the ground beneath us and the stars above, I felt a certain sense of wholeness that I could not explain. He sighed softly from next to me and I turned to face him.

"Regrets?" I asked softly. He turned to look at me and shook his head slowly.

"Just wondering where this is going to take us," he whispered softly.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want this to be a one time thing," he said almost worriedly, "but if that's what you want, I get it. I mean, I know, I'm not Jazz and I will never take his place and I would never want to and you're not Sides and you'd never take his place but this… this thing between us is… I just want it to… stay…" he trailed off and I was watching him, trying to hide my shock. It was the most he'd ever said to me in one breath. I knew I couldn't just let it go. I rose up and looked down at him.

"I'm not going anywhere," I assured him. He watched me for a moment before smiling slightly and nodding once. "You, on the other hand, need to get back to base and back to your brother. I think, perhaps, that you are… calm enough to deal with him now?"

"I think so," he answered before leaning over to kiss me once more. Then I watched as he stood and slowly walked away. I watched him go, then lay back once more and relived the past couple of hours once more in my mind.

Sunstreaker POV

As I walked back into the base, I had to fight to keep a smile off my face. I'm not supposed to walk down hallways smiling for no reason. I'd have every bot on base asking me what I'd been up to that night and I knew I wasn't about to let anyone else know. What had happened, well that was strictly between Prowl and myself; and I was okay with that.

I reached the door to mine and Sideswipe's quarters and I passed my hand over the sensor pad and watched as the door slid open. I stepped inside, the door closing behind me, and found my brother curled up in my bunk in full recharge. I smiled again, but it was a softer smile, one meant only for him. I would always love Sides. He is, after all, my bond mate and there is nothing stronger or closer than that to a bot. But now I had to start over with him and I had a feeling it was going to be a long while before I got him back to normal, but I was going to do it, no matter what.

I dimmed the lights in the room and sat on the edge of the bed, pushing him over just a little, which caused him to stir, his optics coming online a little.

"Sunny?" he whispered softly.

"I'm here, bro," I whispered, laying down behind him and wrapping my arm around him, holding him tightly. "Go back to sleep."

"We okay?" he asked again, his words slurred from exhaustion and I kissed the back of his head.

"Yeah, bro. We're good."

TBC….


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Moving Forward and Back Again

Bumblebee POV

It's been six months since Sideswipe came back online and while he's physically in great condition again, unfortunately he still doesn't remember much of anything. I spend more time with him now than I did previously. As a matter of fact, he has taken to driving Mikaela around whenever I'm busy with Sam. He seems to like her a lot and she keeps him out of trouble. Whenever we're on base, though, it's a whole different story.

I like jokes and pranks as much as the next person, but Sides has really gotten out of hand lately. I think he's doing it all to get Sunstreaker's attention but his twin isn't paying that much attention to what Will Lennox refers to as 'acting out'. Apparently human teenagers are notorious for such behavior. I've noticed that Sideswipe 'acts out' the most whenever Sunstreaker is scheduled for a mission. Sunny usually gives him a very patient look, calms his fears as best as possible, then heads out with Prowl and Ironhide, leaving Sides with me or Bluestreak.

Earlier today, though, I heard yelling coming from their quarters but I knew Sunstreaker was in the city with Prime pulling guard duty for our leader while Prowl stayed on base to read over some reports about Decepticon activity. I stood outside the room, listening to him ranting and raving in some language I didn't understand and then I heard something hit the wall. That's when I figured I'd better call for backup.

"Prowl, this is Bumblebee."

"Is there a problem, Bee?"

"There might be. I'm outside the twins' quarters and Sideswipe sounds like he's tearing the place apart."

"I'll be right there." Our link cut, I stood by and waited for Prowl's arrival. I turned when I heard footsteps and found not just Prowl, but Ratchet as well. I gave Prowl a curious look and he sighed heavily. "I brought him in case Sideswipe needs to be sedated. Have you spoken to him yet?"

"Not likely," I answered. "I do not have a death wish." Prowl nodded and stepped past me to knock on the door.

"Sideswipe, it's Prowl. I wish to speak to you." Another crash and Prowl moved closer to the door. "Sideswipe, I must insist you open the door at once or else I will be forced to open it for you." We heard footsteps and the door opened showing us a very irate Sideswipe whose glare was focused on Prowl.

"What makes you THINK I want to talk to you much less see you standing at this door?" I'd never seen Sideswipe so angry, especially at Prowl. Prowl sighed softly and tried to reach out to him.

"If this is about sending Sunstreaker with Optimus, you must understand that he still has a job to do…" Whatever Prowl was going to finish saying didn't get said as Sideswipe lunged at him and took him down to the floor beneath him. I stepped back. I was good a fighting, but, liked I'd just told our sub-commander, I wasn't suicidal. Ratchet acted much more quickly, grabbing Sideswipe and yanking him off Prowl almost angrily.

"What in the name of Primus has gotten into you, Sideswipe? Have you completely lost your mind, attacking a senior officer and the head of security at that?" Sideswipe was seething and I think, if Ratchet had not been holding him, he'd have gone after Prowl again as I helped him stand. Prowl looked at him, worried and confused.

"Sideswipe, I can't help solve the problem when I don't know what the problem is. Please, talk to me."

"Stay the slag away from my brother," Sideswipe growled out angrily. I looked between him and Prowl, unsure of what was going on. Prowl pulled himself up to his full height and stepped closer to Sideswipe. Maybe Prowl had a death wish…

"I will only say this once, so please make sure you listen very closely. You obviously have knowledge of something private in nature and that knowledge is not sitting very well with you at the moment. Suffice it to say, should your brother choose to agree with your request, I will honor it, but until then, you have no say on where I go and whom I am with. I understand you are in a great deal of mental pain and I am very sorry for all you have lost, but you have to understand the toll all of this takes on your brother as well. Ask yourself if you would truly take him away from something that keeps him grounded when he needs it most." He stepped even closer and his voice dropped down to a low whisper.

"Also understand that I shall only let this type of behavior go by once. You were shocked and upset and so it is quite understandable. However, attack me again and you will be spending your free time in the brig without the company of your brother. Do we understand each other?" I watched as Sideswipe nodded slowly. Prowl watched him closely then nodded and stepped back. "Go with Ratchet and let him see if you've damaged anything during your… tantrum." With that, Prowl turned and walked away. I had kept my own peace during all of this but once Prowl walked away, I turned to Sideswipe and Ratchet.

"Sideswipe," I began softly, "what were you thinking, attacking Prowl like that?" Sideswipe looked at me and tried to pull away from Ratchet, but his face wasn't angry any longer; it was merely sad. I stepped closer and put a hand to the side of his face as Ratchet released him and sighed heavily. "Sides, what's going on?"

"I just want Sunny to come home," he whispered in that child like tone that he'd come back to us with. "I don't like being alone. I need him here; with me." I saw Ratchet nod slowly and then cross his arms over his chest plate.

"And would you truly deny him the right to be happy, even if only for a little while?" Ratchet asked. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I figured it had something to do with Sunny and…. Ooooh. Never mind. I decided then and there that this conversation wasn't one I wanted to be caught in the middle of so I quickly made my excuses and left, promising Sides I'd be back for him later. I really needed to get out of that hallway and clear my head of images I really didn't need to have…

Ratchet's POV

I watched Sideswipe as he stood there and let Bumblebee walk away. I knew the little one didn't fully grasp the consequences of what he'd just seen and I wasn't up to explaining it all to him just yet. I'd had a suspicion about Prowl and Sunstreaker but I'd left it alone thinking it was just my overactive imagination. Now I knew better and Prowl had been the one to give me the truth. I looked over at Sideswipe once more and I felt somewhat unhappy for him because he was caught in the middle, wanting his brother to himself and yet, not wanting to make him unhappy. I realized then that he hadn't yet answered my question.

"You didn't answer me, Sides," I said quietly as I began to lead him to the infirmary.

"I can make him happy if he'd just let me."

"You know that, he knows that, hell, even I know that, but here's the problem." We reached the infirmary and walked inside as I closed the door behind us. "Sunstreaker has a strict and non-negotiable code of morals and honor when it comes to you and right now, with your memories gone and your mental state the equivalent to a child, he does not feel right being with you in that way. To him, it feels wrong and he won't do anything to hurt you, physically or otherwise." Sideswipe sat on the metal table and sighed heavily, swinging his legs back and forth slowly.

"I'm not a child, though. Why can't he see that, memories or not, I'm still me!" I sighed, not really sure how to answer that. Turns out, I wasn't going to get a chance. "And why… tell me why he went to Prowl instead? I thought he loved me."

"Look at me, Red," I said softly, causing the red twin to look at me. "Your brother loves you more than I've ever seen one mech love another. You are two halves in a whole, the parts of one that cause the other to function. Without you, there is no him and vice versa. But you have to understand. Sometimes, there are those in our lives that we keep close at hand because we know they understand what we've lost, what we need, and how best to keep us from falling apart. Right now, for Sunstreaker, that happens to be Prowl."

"I don't understand," he whispered softly.

"I know you don't," I answered, patting his leg as I began running my scans on him. "When Prowl lost Jazz, it hit him like nothing else ever has. There were days when I honestly thought I was going to find him already dead in his office or his quarters. There were days, he later told me, when all he wanted to do was die so he could be with Jazz again. There wasn't anyone around to help him, to be there for him, to keep him grounded. That's why he left for a few weeks right after the arrival. That loss cost him almost every part of himself that was left.

"When Sunstreaker thought he was going to lose you, it was Prowl who stood by him, who got him back to his quarters at night, made him recharge, made him eat, made him get out of the base so he wouldn't go crazy. It was Prowl who Sunstreaker shared his concerns for you about when you finally came out of your stasis. And right now, Prowl is the one he trusts to help him get over this semi-loss of his bond mate. Now, you don't have to like that he's taken up with Prowl, but you damn well have to let him live his own life, even if you think what he's doing is wrong. You have to know and believe that, whenever he feels like you remember or that you're up to par so to speak, he will come back to you and he will never leave your side again." There was silence for several minutes as I finished my scans and then Sideswipe sighed softly.

"I should apologize to Prowl," he whispered softly. I nodded slowly.

"Yes, but, you'd best wait till tomorrow for that. I want to keep you here overnight. I'm a little concerned but you should be okay. I'll let Sunstreaker know where you are when he returns, okay?" Sideswipe nodded and I pushed him back on to the table. "Now, get some rest. I'll be back in a little bit." I watched his optics darken and then stayed with him a little longer, just to be sure he'd fallen into recharge before I left to speak with Prowl about what had happened…

_Short chapter, I know. Sorry. If I'd kept going, this thing would have ended up like ten or more pages long. Anywho… please keep the comments coming so I'll know to keep writing more. Thanks! PS – went and saw Hairspray tonight and OMG that was such an awesome musical! Okay… thanks and have a great weekend._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Coping

Prowl's POV

I had needed time to calm down after my run-in with Sideswipe. The problem is, I knew that he was partly right in his anger and betrayal. Sunstreaker and I had made the decision not to tell him of our involvement for fear it would hurt him to know the truth. Now I had come to find that not telling him and letting him find it out on his own had been even more disastrous. Now I just had to wait for Sunstreaker to return and then let him know what had happened.

In the meantime, I sat there at my desk and glanced at a frame that held a drawing Sunstreaker had done about two weeks ago for me. He'd sketched a picture of myself with Jazz, the sun setting behind us as we stood in front of what had been our base on Cybertron. I touched the frame softly then sat back in my chair as a knock sounded at my door.

"Come in," I called out, my eyes still on the picture in the frame. The door slid open and I looked up as Ratchet came through my door. I sighed heavily and sat upright as the door closed behind him.

"I thought you should know that Sideswipe is in recharge and I'll be keeping him overnight. There was some indication of possible internal damage so I want to keep an eye on him just to be sure he's okay." I nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry he injured himself, but I'm glad you'll be keeping watch over him tonight. I'll let Sunstreaker know when he returns with Prime." Ratchet nodded slowly then sat in the chair across from me and looked at me intently. I could tell he was thinking very hard about what to say next and I wasn't going to start this one.

"Did you really think Sideswipe wouldn't find out about your involvement with his twin brother?" I sighed heavily and leaned back in my chair once more.

"I'd hope it wouldn't happen. Sunstreaker and I had made the decision not to tell him for fear that knowing would hurt him." Ratchet nodded slowly.

"They're twins, Prowl. Don't you get it? They share the same spark, they're bond mates. What makes you think one wouldn't know what the other was doing, regardless of actually saying the words? Sunstreaker spends almost as much time with you these days as he does Sideswipe. We've all had our suspicions about what was going on, not that any of us care one way or the other, but Sideswipe's been hurt enough, don't you think?"

"I didn't do this to hurt him," I answered softly. "I did this to save his brother. Sunstreaker was going insane and he was going to take everyone down with him in the long haul. I was not going to let that happen."

"I understand that, Prowl," Ratchet told me, leaning forward slowly. "But do you understand that once his brother is healed in body and mind, Sunstreaker is going to go back to him for good?" I nodded slowly.

"That was something we made clear between us the very first night. He is not replacing Jazz and I am not replacing his brother. What we have between us is our own and when it is time for it to end, it will do so and we will go back to the way things were before." Ratchet slowly shook his head and I frowned slightly. "What?"

"Let me ask you something serious, Prowl, and I want you to think very carefully before you answer me. Okay?" I nodded slowly.

"All right."

"You've been involved with Sunstreaker now for, what, six months?" I nodded slowly. "Are you finding it any harder than before to send him out on missions or out into a fight?" I slowly shook my head. "Not even a little bit?"

"All right, maybe a little, but that's because I worry what will happen to Sideswipe if Sunstreaker doesn't make it home one of those times."

"Are you sure that's all it is? Don't answer that yet. Just, think about it. Secondly, can you honestly tell me that if you and Sunstreaker continue your present relationship for at least another six months, you will have no problem walking away from him when Sideswipe returns to normal?" I'm not sure how I would have answered that question because before I could answer, my comlink began to crackle.

"Prowl, this is Sunstreaker. Come in."

"Go head, Sunstreaker."

"Optimus and I are ten minutes out. Guard duty was a breeze and our leader is safe and secure."

"Understood. Meet you out front in ten."

"Sunstreaker out." I looked over at Ratchet who was already standing from his chair. "Ratchet…" He slowly shook his head.

"I just want you to think about it all, Prowl. I don't want answers now. You don't even have to answer to me, but you will have to answer to yourself and, at some point, to the twins as well. Just… keep in mind that your decisions don't just affect you." With that said, he turned and walked out of my office, closing the door behind him. I sighed heavily and stood up myself. I knew I had ten minutes, but the walk would do me good and this was just the time of night where I enjoyed being outside. Besides, Sunstreaker was on his way back and I needed to see him.

Sunstreaker's POV

I'd spent almost ten hours playing bodyguard to Optimus Prime in the city and I was more than ready to get back to base and indulge in some high grade energon, a couple of hours with Prowl and then a quiet night recharging next to my brother. The last six months had been hell, but thanks to Prowl, it'd been a lot more tolerable than it would have been otherwise. Sideswipe was making slow strides in his recovery and things between us weren't quite as strained or awkward anymore. I think he was beginning to understand that my loving him would never change. I just wanted him back to normal before we got back into what a normal relationship was between us. In the meantime, I had come to enjoy what I'd found with Prowl that night under the stars.

If anyone else had told me that Prowl could be as passionate in love as he was in logic and security, I'd have laughed in their faces, but now I knew better. I had never envied Jazz before, but part of me did. Not that I didn't appreciate what I'd always had with Sideswipe. I couldn't live without him, nor would I ever want to; but Prowl and Jazz weren't connected like Sides and I are and always have been. They had to work at their relationship in order to make it work. I've never had to work at anything with Sides; it's always just been there. Having to work at this thing I had with Prowl made me respect him and appreciate his presence all the more.

As we approached the base, my sensors picked up the presence of an autobot just outside of base. Prime and I slowed to a stop about fifty feet away and transformed into our natural forms. As I glanced around, I saw Prowl standing by the entrance and I smiled at seeing him. Together, Prime and I approached the sub-commander who gave us both a nod in greeting.

"I trust everything went well at your meeting with the humans," Prowl said, his attention focused on Prime.

"It did indeed," Prime answered. "Although, I think the next time they suggest a meeting, Sunstreaker and I will suggest that they not make it quite so long." I nodded quickly in agreement. "I trust all is well here?" Prowl turned his attention to me.

"Your brother is in the infirmary, but he's okay. He had what I believe humans refer to as a tantrum and caused some internal bruising. Ratchet wanted to keep him overnight to make sure he was okay." I sighed heavily and nodded slowly.

"I'll go check on him. I'm sorry if he got out of hand, Prowl." Prime settled a hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him slowly.

"We all have burdens in life, Sunstreaker, and right now, that burden is caused by love. You're strong and you will pull through this as will your brother. I have all the faith in the world in your both." I nodded slowly.

"Thank you, Prime." I turned and gave Prowl a quick glance then headed for the infirmary. Walking there, I thought back to the last few weeks and tried to pinpoint what might have caused this particular tantrum but just couldn't figure it out. I entered the infirmary to find Ratchet sitting behind his desk and my twin lying on a nearby bed in full recharge. Ratchet looked up as I entered and stood quickly.

"He's in recharge," Ratchet said quietly. "I did a full scan on all his systems and there's some internal disturbances, very minor, but just to be sure, I felt as if I should keep him overnight." I nodded slowly and reached out, brushing my fingertips across his arm.

"I don't know what I'm doing wrong," I whispered softly. "What am I doing wrong? Should I take myself out of the mission loop? Do I need to keep him with me full time? Do I take him with me?" Ratchet reached out and pulled me back from him and walked me to the other side of the room.

"Look, Sunny, this wasn't just another tantrum without cause. Apparently, Sideswipe knows about you and Prowl and no, Prowl didn't tell him, but Sideswipe attacked him in the hallway all the same." I shot a look at my sleeping twin and then back at Ratchet almost fearfully. "No, son, don't look at me that way. I'm not judging you or Prowl. I just want you to be aware of what happened and why. Prowl's not charging him and when he wakes tomorrow I'll send him back to your quarters. For tonight, though, leave him with me and you take care of yourself. I have a feeling he's going to have a lot of questions for you come tomorrow."

"What do I tell him?" I asked worriedly.

"Tell him the truth, but also reassure him that you're still with him. He thinks you've stopped loving him, that you're going to leave him. Help him figure out that he's wrong." I nodded slowly.

"I will, Ratchet. Thanks." I walked over, bent down and kissed Sides gently. "Love you," I whispered softly. I turned to leave and Ratchet caught me by the arm.

"I don't want you alone tonight." I nodded slowly.

"I won't be." He released me and I walked out of the infirmary and down the hall towards Prowl's quarters. I didn't even bother knocking. I swiped my hand over the sensor and the door slid open. I walked inside and the door closed behind me. The room was almost completely dark with the exception of a dim light coming from the opposite side of the room where Prowl's bunk sat. I could just make out his profile as he stood and faced me.

"I wasn't expecting you," he whispered softly. I nodded slowly and walked towards him.

"I've been gone all day. You saying you didn't want to see me?"

"No, but I thought you would stay with your brother or return to your own room." I nodded again and stopped just in front of him.

"I can go if that's what you…" Apparently that wasn't what he wanted as he shoved me into the wall and his mouth fell over mine. His hands gripped my arms tightly and held me there and I offered no resistance. When he broke away I reached for him and drew him back. "Don't stop," I whispered and he slowly shook his head.

"I had no intention of stopping." He pulled me with him towards the bunk before turning and pushing me onto the bunk before he came down, straddling me as he did so. "Should I apologize now or later for your brother finding out about us?" I shook my head.

"Neither. It was bound to happen. I'll make it all right. I promise. What about me? Should I apologize for him attacking you?"

"It was not that bad. I understand his pain and so I take no offense."

"Good. So, we're okay?" He nodded, his hands sliding along my sides and hitting a very sensitive area just near the seam on my left side. I shivered and groaned quietly.

"We are now." He reached up, his hands encircling my wrists and holding me there. "I don't like you being gone all day." He leaned in, nipping just below my jaw. "I don't like sending you away." I groaned when he nuzzled just below my audio receptor and he tightened his hold.

"You've told me what you don't like," I whispered, turning my head enough to catch his mouth briefly. "Tell me what you do like." He chuckled and it was a wicked sound coming from him. He released my hands, finally, and I tucked one leg behind his and flipped us over.

"You know what I like," he answered honestly and I knew he was right. If six months had taught me anything, it had taught me everything I could possibly learn about the bot beneath me. As we moved, touched and drove each other to almost sheer exhaustion into the late hours of the night, I realized that I'd come to find out more than I'd thought possible about Prowl and now, I was no longer sure that when the time came I could just let him go…

_TBC… much angst, I know… I was feeling their pain so to speak since my bf and I recently went our separate ways and I wasn't quite ready to let him go. *sigh* Anyway, thanks for all the great reviews. They really mean a lot so please, read and review some more. Thanks!_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Insanity

Sunstreaker's POV

" Warning. Warning. Decepticon attack. All Autobots to the main level immediately."

Between the blaring of the alarms and the automated voice system, I woke a little disoriented. First, I wasn't in my own room or in my own bed and there was a mech lying next to me… Prowl. He sat up as the alarms grew louder.

"Not the way I wanted to say good morning," he said, sliding from the bunk.

"Me either," I answered, following suit. "I'm on my way topside. Check on Sides for me before you head up there, please?" Prowl nodded and I turned to leave. He grabbed my arm and I looked back at him.

"Stay in one piece." I nodded and he released me as I left his room and pounded down the hallways and headed for the entrance. Already outside engaged in battle were Prime, Ironhide, Mirage, Hound and Wheeljack. I knew Ratchet would be below in the infirmary and I was guessing Bumblebee hadn't yet arrived. The Seekers were on point with the cassettes not far behind. I took aim at Starscream and joined the fray. I saw Dirge fire his rockets at Prime and I fired off a couple of shots at him, hitting him in the chest plate and garnering his attention away from my now fallen leader.

"Ratchet!" I yelled into my comlink. "Prime's down, took two rounds to the chest, spark's still intact." I continued firing on Dirge who, along with Ravage and Rumble had me targeted for attack.

"I'm sending Prowl. You're brother's already managed to escape my clutches and should be up there already." For one split second, I lost my concentration at the thought that Sideswipe was somewhere in all of this mess. I turned and found him covering Prime, shielding our leader as best as he could while Ironhide and Mirage took on Starscream, Ramjet and Soundwave. We were getting our collective asses kicked. Bluestreak finally appeared with Bumblebee and I turned my attention back to my own problems. I knew Blue would keep an eye on Sides.

"Hey, Dirge," I taunted in a sarcastic tone of voice, "where'd you learn how to shoot? You couldn't hit a moving target if it stood still." The Seeker landed in front of me and I grinned at him slightly. This was one Decepticon I needed dead. I aimed my rifle at him and pulled the trigger just as I felt a shot take me out at the knee. I went down hard but kept firing and watched Dirge go down in front of me.

"Sunny!" I heard Sideswipe yelling my name and I looked over my shoulder to where he was still protecting Prime.

"Stay with Prime!" I yelled back even as I took another shot, this one to my chest. I turned back and found Scourge taking aim at Prowl who was standing next to Sides. "Prowl! Sides!" I yelled even as I managed one last burst of strength to launch myself from the ground and into the line of fire, taking the blasts meant for my twin and my lover. I felt myself falling, felt it when I hit the ground and I heard the firestorm that erupted around me. I heard Sideswipe yelling but my optics were fading and, try as I might, I just couldn't stay awake.

Sideswipe POV

When I heard the alarms going off that morning, my first thought had been for Sunny because I knew he was front line and I knew he'd be right in the middle of everything. And when Prowl showed up in the infirmary to check on me, I knew Sunny had sent him. I wanted to apologize to Prowl, wanted to take back every thing I'd said to him, but he must have known, because he came over, put his hand on my shoulder and told me everything would be okay. And I believed him.

Then I heard Ironhide's yell that Prime had been hit and they needed help and I shot out of the infirmary so fast, neither Prowl nor Ratchet was able to stop me. I made it outside and over to where Prime lay unmoving. I used my own body to shield his from the blasts around us, doing my best to keep his spark protected. I watched Sunny go down when Dirge shot his knee out again and then Scourge shot him dead on in the chest. I was afraid for him. Prowl was suddenly beside me and then I heard Sunny yell and I looked up to see a yellow blur come in front of myself and Prowl and then he was on the ground and he wasn't moving.

Wheeljack made it over to where we were just about that time and so I left him to guard Prime while I went after Scourge and left Prowl to see to Sunstreaker. I don't even know if he stayed there with him. I was too busy trying to rip apart the Decepticon who'd injured my brother. I don't know what I did or how, but I was on the ground, straddling him while he tried to fight me off and I punched my fist through his chest plates, wrapped my hand around his spark and ripped it from his body.

"Sideswipe!" I knew it must have been Prowl because a second later he'd grabbed me and pulled me off the now dead Decepticon and was holding me, arms wrapped securely around my body, keeping me from doing anymore harm to anyone. Apparently, what I'd just done had brought a temporary halt to the fight.

Then I heard Ironhide's cannon's wind up once more and the Seekers transformed and took to the air as the remaining Decepticons also transformed and fled. I struggled against Prowl when I saw Dirge lying nearby, trying to repair himself enough to transform and leave. My anger so overwhelmed me that I fought Prowl off, shoving him hard enough that he lost his grip on me. I ran over to where Dirge lay and as he slowly came up to his knees, I punched through his chest plates and ripped his spark out as well. His eyes flashed once, twice, and I saw the look of confusion on his face just before his optics darkened forever.

The last thing I remember after that, was Prowl whispering that he was sorry and feeling myself lose consciousness…

Prowl's POV

I do not know what has happened or why… well, that is not entirely true. I do know why. Sunstreaker, who is a front line warrior and always has been, did his job. He put his life in harms way to save his commander, his sub-commander and his brother. That is his job and I have always known that. Lately, though, I have come to hate him for it, especially today.

And Sideswipe… what in the name of Primus was he thinking? I suppose that is the problem. He was not thinking. He saw his brother go down, saw only that he was losing his twin and he acted. He ripped the sparks out of two Decepticons and might have gone after more of them had I not stopped him when I did. He is sedated now, strapped to a gurney in the infirmary while Ratchet fights to save his brother. Prime is awake now, somewhat alert and has been briefed on what has happened. Ironhide suffered a few minor scrapes, as did Mirage. Wheeljack is finishing up the repairs to Prime's chest plate and Perceptor is working on Ironhide. It is quiet in here. Everyone knows things are touch and go…

"Prowl." I look up to find Bumblebee next to me and I give the mini-bot a quick once over to be sure he is not injured as well. He and Bluestreak arrived a little late on the scene, but anything could have happened. He looks to be in one piece so I finally meet his gaze and give him my attention.

"Yes, Bumblebee?"

"Are you okay?" I nod slowly then sigh heavily and shake my head. "I didn't think so. Maybe you should sit down?"

"Thank you, Bumblebee, but I need to be here for now. I want to make sure Optimus is back online before I settle. I also want to make sure the twins are stable before I go." The thoughts lingering in my mind go unspoken because once spoken, they cannot be taken back. I fear that I will lose Sunstreaker, either through this selfless act or by order. I know Prime is aware of our relationship now. Some part of me knows that Sunstreaker threw himself into harms way to save Sides and me. Saving Prime was part of it, too, but it wasn't his first priority and therein lies the problem. That should have been his only priority and we all know it, but none of us will say it.

"Prowl," Bumblebee whispers softly and I have to lean in closer to hear him. "It's okay to worry about the ones you love no matter what anyone else says or thinks." I turn to look at him and those baby blues catch me once again and I have to smile. He should know…

"Thank you, little one," I answer softly and he smiles back at me then returns to Prime's side. If there is anyone more dedicated to our leader than the little one, then I do not know who it would be. Prime looks over at him and gives him a quick reassuring smile before turning his gaze back to me. I catch his glance and nod once. I know we must talk.

As time passes, Ratchet becomes less rushed and anxious and I am beginning to hope for the best. Ironhide and Mirage have long since gone now, Perceptor is in recharge and Wheeljack is doing the rounds of the rest of the base just to make sure no one was missed. Prime has sent Bumblebee back to Sam and now sits with me as we wait for word on Sunstreaker.

My gaze travels back and forth between Ratchet working on Sunstreaker and an unconscious Sideswipe strapped to a gurney. Is this my fault? Am I to blame for what happened here today?

Prime's POV

"It's not your fault, Prowl," I whisper, laying my hand over his, jolting him out of his thoughts. He looks up at me for a moment then nods and looks away. "It's his job to protect others and it's part of his moral make up to protect the ones he loves as harshly and completely as he can."

"It does not mean I have to always approve of his actions," Prowl replies after a moment. I nod slowly.

"That is true, however, you will cause yourself nothing but pain if you do not stop and see him for what he is before you become too attached to let him go." He does look at me this time and I give him a half-hearted smile. "I've known for awhile and I've said nothing so long as it didn't affect anyone's job."

"And now?" I could almost hear the fear in Prowl's voice. He'd already lost so much; Jazz's death hit him hard after he arrived to find his bondmate dead at the hands of Megatron, his spark destroyed in the kill.

"Now, I think perhaps things need to be re-evaluated, especially after what Sideswipe did in defense of his brother. It was nothing short of murder, but it was in the midst of battle and it was in defense. He didn't start the fight. As Ironhide has said, he merely finished it." I watched Prowl nod in thought at this.

"He just found out yesterday about his brother and I. I think, perhaps, some of that anger was still present at the time his brother was hurt. Who better to take out that anger on than his enemy?"

"Prowl, I have to ask you something and I need an honest answer." I did not want to have to ask him this, but I didn't really have a choice. "Can you let him go? Can you put away your feelings and walk away?"

"No," he answered honestly and without hesitation, "but I will if I have to in order to save him or his brother." At that point I knew something Prowl had not yet admitted. Prowl loved the yellow mech almost as much as he had once loved Jazz.

Ratchet's POV

It had taken me almost seven hours, but I'd managed to save Sunstreaker; again. His spark was intact, barely, and I'd replaced both chest panels, cracked glass, and I'd replaced his left leg again from the knee down. He'd lost a lot of energon so I had left him on full support until his energon readings were back up to normal. I figured that'd be sometime tomorrow.

I ran a scan on his twin to find Sideswipe in full recharge but I noticed that some of his cpu functions were different. I compared them to the ones taken before the accident and afterwards and I smiled a little. Something that happened today had caused Sideswipe's memory banks to react and it looked as if some of his higher cpu functions had come back online in full force. This was good news indeed. Perhaps he would be back to normal before long after all.

I turned to find Prowl still sitting in the infirmary, waiting, and in a light recharge. I had half a mind to let him continue sleeping but I knew he'd want an update. After all, he'd been waiting for all this time. I walked over to him and sat next to him where I knew Prime had been waiting until two hours ago when I'd sent him to recharge. I placed a hand on Prowl's leg and waited for him to come back online.

"How are they?" he asked somewhat groggily.

"They'll live. I've kept Sunny on full support for right now, until his readings all come back to normal. I don't want to take any chances. Sides is okay too. As a matter of fact, some of his higher cpu functions have started to come back online again."

"Does that mean he is getting better?" Prowl asked softly, hope lingering in his optics.

"Yes, it means exactly that. We might have him back before too long now." Prowl smiled softly and nodded, leaning back in the chair.

"Sunstreaker will be happy to have him back," he whispered softly.

"You need to rest, Prowl. It's been a long day for everyone. I promise I will contact you if there is any change, bad or good." Prowl nodded and slowly pushed himself to his feet. "I'll give you a few minutes alone." I turned and walked towards the other side of the room, far enough away for some semblance of privacy, but close enough that I could still hear what was being said.

Prowl had walked over to the gurney where Sideswipe lay and I watched him briefly touch the mech with his fingertips, brushing them across Sideswipe's forehead gently. He whispered something I couldn't understand, then kissed him on the forehead and walked over to Sunstreaker. He bent down, kissed Sunstreaker on the mouth gently then stood back up.

"Love you," I heard him whisper and for a moment I was shocked. He hadn't said those words out loud to anyone since Jazz's death. I didn't know what to think. He brushed a hand across the yellow mech's face then turned and walked out of the infirmary. I watched him go, then dimmed the lights and moved into the smaller room next door and lay back on my own bunk hoping for just a couple of hours of recharge before anything else happened.

Sideswipe POV

I felt Prowl's fingers brush across my forehead and I had to fight with myself not to open my eyes and look up at him. The touch was so soft and gentle and I was surprised. But then he whispered 'I may not be your brother, but I will care for you just as he does if you'll let me' and I couldn't have talked if I'd wanted to. I was shocked to say the least. After my attack on him yesterday I'd have thought he'd want nothing to do with me…

Then I heard him whisper, "Love you" to Sunny and I fought to keep the tears from my optics. I had images, memories if you will, of standing next to Sunny as the sun was setting behind what had once been our headquarters on Cybertron as we attended the bonding ceremony for Prowl and Jazz. It's the only other time I've ever heard those words from our sub-commander. As I felt myself drift into unconsciousness once more, I remembered exactly what I had with Sunstreaker, why I loved him and I knew I'd do whatever it took to keep all of us together some way or another…

_TBC…. Sorry it's taken so long. Busy week at work and home, but here's chapter 5 so please remember to read and review. Thanks!_


	6. Chapter 6

-1Regarding Sideswipe Chapter 6

**Optimus POV**

_Knock, knock_

I looked up from the reports on his desk as someone knocked on my door. I wasn't expecting anyone but then too so many things happening lately had been unexpected, I should be use to it by now.

"Come in," I called, setting the reports aside as the door slid open and Sunstreaker stepped inside.

"Am I interrupting anything?" Sunstreaker asked quietly as the door closed behind him. I shook my head and stood up, waving Sunstreaker further into the office.

"Shouldn't you be in the infirmary resting?" It had been three days since the Decepticon attack on our base in which I'd been shot and Sunstreaker had been knocked unconscious. He'd only come back online earlier this morning.

"I'll go back there in a little while," he answered quietly, sitting down in a nearby chair. "I need to talk to you." I could hear the tone of fear in his voice and it worried me. Sunstreaker is never afraid. I sat down next to him.

"Is this about what happened the other day?" Sunstreaker nodded slowly.

"I screwed up," the yellow mech whispered, his head bowed. "It's my job to protect you, my job to make sure that, no matter what, you stay safe and secure at all costs. I didn't do my job." I sighed heavily. I should have expected this, should have seen it coming. "I think you need to reassign me somewhere else."

"No," I answered quietly. That made him look up at me.

"I could have gotten you killed. I was more concerned with protecting Sides and Prowl that I didn't think to protect you! I can't do my job!" He was getting upset and he stood, pacing the office and I could feel the anxiety radiating off him in streams. I sent a silent transmission to Ratchet and Prowl then turned my attention back to the twin in my office.

"You didn't shoot me, Sunstreaker. That was Scourge's doing and, from what I heard, he paid for that with his life." Sunstreaker looked back at me, head tilted in confusion. Ahh. Apparently he'd not been told of his twin's actions after he'd gone offline.

"What are you talking about?" Sunstreaker asked. I slowly shook my head. I could not be the one to tell him that his brother had become a murderer. "What happened?" He screamed, slamming his hands into my desk. He looked up at me and I saw the moment he realized that something bad had happened because all the anger and all the fight left him and he dropped to the floor. I stepped closer to him, hoping he wouldn't go into another fit of rage.

"Sunstreaker, there was nothing you could have done…" Those were not the words I should have used. Sunstreaker flew into another rage, but this time it was aimed at himself. Pushing himself to his feet, he slammed himself into my wall and I grabbed him before he could do it again, just as my door opened admitting Ratchet and Prowl.

"What…" Prowl began only to see Sunstreaker struggling in my grasp. "Sunstreaker!" He yelled at him. The yellow mech in my grasp stopped struggling immediately, his optics turning to focus on his… his what? What was Prowl to him? Lover, yes, but was there more going on than we knew? I released him and he fell against my sub-commander who held him tightly. Ratchet watched them for a moment then turned to me.

"Are you okay?" I nodded slowly.

"He came down here to talk with me about the attack the other day and then everything just went downhill from there." Ratchet nodded and looked back at Prowl.

"Get him back down to the infirmary. I'll get Sides and meet you there." Prowl nodded and led Sunstreaker out of my office and back to the infirmary. Ratchet turned back to me. "I'm going to put him on ND status until further notice. Physically he should be okay within the week, but I'm not sure about his mental status at the moment." I nodded slowly. "Did you know that he and Prowl…"

"I knew," I answered quietly. "Prowl and I discussed it the day of the attack. For right now, leave them be. I'll deal with it all later." Ratchet nodded then turned and left my office. I watched him go then sat down in the chair and dropped my head into my hands. How had everything gotten so out of hand in such a short amount of time…

**Prowl POV**

I led him down the hall, my arm around him supporting some of his weight as we walked. He was confused, anxious and unhappy and for the moment there was nothing I could do for him but be here to hold him. I should have known he'd go to Prime, confess his faults as it were, but the faults were not his alone. We had both committed faults that day and we would both pay for them.

"What were you thinking, Sunny?" I asked him quietly.

"He's going to deactivate me anyway, might as well get my confession in while I could." I stopped walking and pushed him against the wall, watching him carefully.

"Why do you think Prime is going to have you deactivated?" He looked up at me and there was so much pain in those blue optics.

"I didn't do my job, Prowl. I put your life ahead of his. I put Sideswipe's life ahead of his. We almost lost our leader because I couldn't do my job and if I can't do my job then there is no reason for me to be here." I stepped closer to him, close enough that if I were to breath, our bodies would have been touching.

"No one will be deactivating you, Sunny. You have my word." He looked at me for a moment then nodded slowly. I pulled him back towards me and we finished the walk to the infirmary. Ratchet came in just behind us with Sideswipe in tow as Sunstreaker sat back down on the table. Ratchet looked at him for a moment then over at me and Sideswipe.

"You two," he said, pointing at myself and Sides. "Wait outside." I grabbed Sideswipe before he could start arguing and pulled him out into the waiting room with me. Once the door closed behind us, I turned to him slowly.

"Sunstreaker believes he is going to be deactivated for protecting us," I told him quietly.

"They wouldn't do that to him, would they?" he asked me somewhat fearfully. I shook my head, letting go of his arm.

"I gave him my word that I would not let any such thing happen to him." Sideswipe nodded slowly. "Listen, I realize the last few days have not been good ones and I know you and I have things to discuss…"

"I heard you that night," he whispered softly, stopping whatever else I might have said.

"Excuse me?"

"I heard you, the night of the attack, when you were leaving the infirmary. You told me that you would care for me just as Sunny did if only I'd let you. You brushed your fingers across my forehead and then you kissed me there. Then you went over to my brother and you told him you loved him." He looked up at me, taking a step closer to me. "Did you mean what you said?" I knew, looking into the mirror image of the optics of the mech I had come to love, that I could not lie to him, could not take any of what I'd said that night back.

"I meant every word," I answered softly.

"I remember everything," he said, stopping right in front of me. I tilted my head slightly.

"Define everything," I said, my voice somewhat raspy in tone.

"I know who I am. I know what I am. Most importantly, I know what my life was like, at least, up to the point where Bumblebee, Jazz, Sunny and I were captured by Megatron and the Seekers. Anything before that, I'll likely never get back." I nod slowly, trying to comprehend everything he's telling me. "I know that I love Sunstreaker, that I have since the moment we first came online and I know, without a doubt that he has and always will love me." There was a smile on his face that I couldn't comprehend.

"What are you saying, Sideswipe?" He reached out and placed a hand on the side of my face.

"I'm saying that you make him happy, that you love him and that I am okay with that, so long as you promise you won't take him away." He dropped his hand from my face as the door behind me opened and Ratchet stepped out.

"I'll release him tonight with the understanding that he is watched all night and made to rest," he said almost reluctantly. Sideswipe looked at me and I nodded slowly. Sideswipe looked back at Ratchet.

"I need to talk to him first," he said to the CMO. "May I?" Ratchet nodded and Sideswipe left us alone in the waiting room. Ratchet came around to look at me.

"You okay?"

"I will be," I answered quietly.

**Sideswipe POV**

I walked into the exam room where I saw Sunstreaker still sitting on the table, head bowed, optics dim, but I knew he was awake. I could feel it in my core, just as I can feel everything he's feeling and vice versa. As the door closes behind me he looks up and slides off the table coming towards me. I open my arms to him and he steps into them and I close my arms around him, holding him tightly.

"I love you," I tell him softly.

"Do you?" he asks, stepping back and looking at me intently. I smile and nod slowly.

"Always have, always will," I answer before kissing him softly. "By the way, I remember." Sunstreaker looked at me in shock before grabbing me and kissing me again. I broke the kiss, laughing softly. "Guess that means you're happy."

"You could say that," Sunstreaker answered with a grin. "You here to spring me then?" I put a hand to my brother's face and slowly shook my head. Sunstreaker frowned slightly. "I don't understand."

"We need to talk, bro," I said, never losing touch with him. "And I need you to let me talk and you to listen. Okay?"

"Okay…" Sunstreaker answered softly.

"I know you love me. I know that it was stupid of me to attack Prowl over your relationship with him and I'm sorry for that, but some part of me felt as if I was losing you. I should have known that, no matter what, you'd always love me. But, that being said, I know he makes you happy and I know he loves you."

"Excuse me?"

"He loves you. I heard him tell you when you were lying here after the attack the other day. He told you he loved you before leaving for the night. Sunny, he hasn't said that to anyone since he and Jazz were bonded." Sunstreaker nodded slowly.

"I remember," he answered. "We were there." I smiled up at him.

"Yeah, we were. And Prowl has always been our biggest supporter once we were bonded."

"I know," he answered softly. "I don't want to lose you, Sides." I came closer once more and kissed him gently.

"You will never lose me. Never. But I want you to do something for me."

"I want to stay with you tonight," he whispered, kissing me again.

"I know, but right now, I need you to stay with Prowl. Just tonight. He needs you right now. He needs to know he's not on the losing end of this deal." I watched Sunstreaker's eyes cloud over for a minute. "What is it?"

"I'm going to lose him anyway."

"What do you mean?" Sunny sighed heavily.

"I have a feeling Optimus is going to force the issue after what happened. I screwed up, bro. I wasn't doing my job. I should have been protecting him regardless as to what was happening to you or Prowl and I didn't. I put the two of you before my leader." I nodded slowly.

"Then, just in case you're right, don't you think you should spend what time you have with Prowl before you're no longer able to do so? You have me forever. You don't know how long you have with Prowl." I watched him think this over then nod slowly. "Good. I'll let him know you're ready to go. And Sunny?"

"Yeah?"

"I promise you, I'll do whatever I can to help keep us all together." Sunstreaker gave me a somewhat shocked look but I just grinned at him before turning and walking out of the room. It felt good, having the upper hand with him for once… but I knew he'd be thinking of what I'd said and I knew I was going to do whatever I could to make sure what I'd told him was truth.

**Sunstreaker POV**

I didn't say much as Prowl led me through the halls to his quarters. My mind was filled with everything that had happened or been said and I was still trying to comprehend all of it. Sideswipe had his memories back; all of them. Everyone seemed to know about my relationship with Prowl and didn't seem to mind. I'd screwed up my job and I had a feeling Prowl and I would end up being called down for it within the next few days. Sideswipe was right. I had to take what I could get now in case it all ended soon.

As we entered Prowl's quarters, I had to wonder what my lover was thinking. Did he worry that this would all be over soon or did he, like Sides, believe everything would be okay? Prowl has always been the more sensible one on base, but sometimes even he can be pessimistic like the rest of us. As the door behind us closed, I knew I had to ask him.

"What are you thinking about?" He led me to the bed and sat me down before he began pacing in front of me slowly.

"I am wondering just how much time we actually have left together," he answered quietly. I nodded slowly.

"Me too." He looked over at me and then knelt down in front of me, taking my hands in his.

"The day of the attack, Prime asked me if I could just turn my back and walk away from you, from what we've had these last few months. I told him no, I couldn't, but that I would if I had to in order to save you or Sides."

"What makes you think I'd let you go?" I asked him quietly. He smiled up at me then and squeezed my hands in his.

"You do know you wouldn't have a choice, right?" His tone had grown serious again and I sighed heavily and nodded. "All we can do is, as the humans say, hope for the best and be prepared for the worst."

"Does that mean you want me to go then?" I asked somewhat fearfully. He leaned in to me, pushing me back onto the bunk and crawling over me as he did so.

"You are not going anywhere, Sunny," he whispered softly. "Not now, not anytime soon if I have my way." He slid his hands up along my sides and I shivered at his touch and Primus, he knew exactly where to touch. He leaned down and kissed me until the gentleness went away, replaced by something harsh and raw that coursed through us both and I knew that if tonight was the end, I wouldn't have had it any other way…

_TBC…_


	7. Chapter 7

-1Regarding Sideswipe Chapter 7

A/N: You might wanna go back and read the first six chapters again… I know I had to before I wrote this chapter. I know it's been awhile since I last updated and I apologize but my brain got stuck on Can I Have a Refund and I couldn't keep the two apart in my head. However, things have slowed down on that fic, so I'm able to return to this one. Anyway… hope you like this chapter and please review. Thanks.

**Prime's POV**

It's been almost an earth month since Sideswipe regained his memories and Sunstreaker had been released for active duty once more. I've watched the twins, watched how their recoveries intertwined with one another and, for the first time, came to realize that they really are dependant, one on the other, for all things.

I've also watched Prowl, seen the way he looks at them both; watched as he's had to send them out into two more battles just this week alone, his logical reasoning telling him that he has no choice while his Spark berates him for putting them in harms way. What he feels for them both is tearing him apart. Has been since he walked away from them almost two weeks ago.

I didn't hear the conversation, but I heard about it. It was Sideswipe who came to me, asking me why it had to be this way, why I wouldn't talk with Prowl, tell him he didn't have to make this choice. The thing is, I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell Prowl to go back to them because I hadn't done anything better. Prowl and I have always understood our positions and we have always understood that the fraternization rules are in place for a reason; to protect them as much as ourselves.

Lately, though, Sunstreaker has become more sullen and withdrawn again and the others in the base are staying as far away from him as possible. Sideswipe watches him, his optics sad and haunted as he does so. I know what he's thinking because I'm thinking the same things. If he's pushed too much harder, Sunstreaker's going to break again and nothing will save him.

So I guess it's come down to this; I have no other choice. I have to talk to Prowl. I have to find out why he walked away from them and why he's letting his decision tear him apart so much that he can't see that Sunstreaker is just as miserable as he is, if not more so…

**Prowl's POV**

It took me seven months before I was ready to admit my feelings to him… and then that night, I just couldn't do it and instead of telling him I loved him, I told him that we couldn't keep doing this, that I had to let him go. I saw the hurt in his optics, saw the pain there but he didn't fight me on it. Instead, he rested his hand on the side of my face, told me he loved me, told me he was sorry, and then walked away. I almost wish he'd fought me instead. It would have hurt less.

I know I broke his spark when I did that to him, but what was I supposed to do? I'd promised myself I wouldn't interfere with him or Sideswipe. No, I hadn't been lying to Sides when I told him I could love him as I loved his twin, but I'd watched them, I knew nothing should ever come between them and I was doing just that. I had no choice but to let them both go.

And I hate myself for it. I send them into battle after battle, because of who they are and what they do, but inside, it's tearing me to pieces to watch them go and come back hurting and bleeding. Sunstreaker more so than his twin because Sunny is the protector, make no mistake. It's why he finds himself in Ratchet's care more often than his twin. And at times, Ratchet, like myself, hates him for it.

But what am I to do now? I see him, a month after I walked away from him, and he's like that old part of himself that we all saw before he broke and killed those 'cons and Cliffjumper. Anything could set him off right now and we'd all be in trouble. Did I cause this? Has my leaving hurt him that much? And if so, why didn't he fight to keep me?

_Knock, knock._

I look up from my desk as the door to my office opens and Optimus walks inside, closing the door behind him. He sits across from me and neither of us says a word, the silence more telling than words in that moment.

"He's going to break soon," Optimus tells me quietly after a moment. "I need to understand why you left them."

"Because it was the right thing to do," I tell him. "Nothing should come between them. They are bondmates, they're twins, they belong together and I didn't fit."

"You can't honestly believe that," Optimus replied softly. "Sideswipe begged me to come after you when it first happened, told me to make you see what it was doing to them both and I wouldn't. I told him we had to respect your decision, but now I wonder if in doing so, we haven't made things worse."

"We have rules against this, Optimus. You and I put them in place for this very reason. Yes, I love Sunstreaker. I can admit that to you if nothing else, but I won't put his life or either one of our positions at risk for that. He's a front line warrior and I am an officer. He's under my command. He put his job at risk once to save me and Sideswipe. I won't let him do it again." Optimus is watching me now, and that look he is giving me is both calculating and understanding at the same time. There is silence between us again before he finally speaks.

"There are so few of us left now, and with the destruction of the All Spark, there is no way for us to produce new life. One day, we will be no more. I think, perhaps, it is time for us to take a hint, so to speak, from our human friends."

"What do you mean?" I ask him quietly.

"If you have found love again, Prowl, then do not let anyone or anything stand in the way of keeping it… of keeping them." I am too much in shock to say anything to him as he stands and leaves my office. After a few minutes pass, I realize I'm still sitting there, trying to think of what to say.

But there isn't anything to say… because he's right. I know he's right.

I just have to convince Sunstreaker and Sideswipe of the same…

_TBC… Yeah, it's a short chapter but I'm trying to work back into it so please be patient. Thanks and remember to review!_


	8. Chapter 8

-1Regarding Sideswipe Chapter 8

**Sunstreaker's POV **

I distinctly remember walking into Prowl's room that night, because I thought it would be the night that made everything between us right again. I thought he was finally going to be able to admit to his feelings so I could tell him the same…

Instead, he said we had to stop, that he had to let me go, that what we were doing was wrong and we both knew it and we'd both made mistakes in our jobs that we couldn't afford to make. I knew what he was doing, but I didn't understand why. I thought…

I listened to him, let him say it all, hoping, wishing that, in the end, he'd still admit to his feelings. But for whatever reason, he couldn't so I did it for us both. I reached out, drew my hand down the side of his face and I told him I loved him… words I'd only ever spoken to Sideswipe… and I told him I was sorry… sorry I hadn't done enough for him, hadn't been able to make him happy… and then I walked away… feeling that part of my Spark that belonged to him shatter into a million pieces around me.

When I got back to my room that night, I locked the door behind me… Sideswipe was on patrol with Bluestreak and wouldn't be back until morning… and slid down to the floor, letting energon tears stain my face and not even caring…

The next morning, I began the task of rebuilding all the walls again, around myself, around my Spark, keeping everyone out, except for Sides. I was not going to let myself be hurt like that ever again.

But I was only fooling myself. Every time I saw him, it hurt. Like someone shot a null ray straight into my chest and I couldn't do anything about it. I grew angry and hateful, so much so that even Sideswipe told me to tone it down some. We were sleeping on opposite sides of the room again… he wouldn't come near me. Can't say that I blamed him…

I don't blame him now…

No one knows I'm out here… standing on the cliffs, watching the sun as it sets, watching it grow darker and darker, just like me… every minute of every day I grow darker inside. I feel it, surrounding every part of me, my mind, my Spark… everything I think and do. I took out three 'cons myself in the last battle yesterday… didn't have to, but I did. Why leave them alive if killing them keeps them from hurting us again? That is my answer now…

…what have I become…

**Ratchet's POV**

I swear if that golden bastard comes back into my infirmary this week for anything less than a fatal wound, I'm going to weld his aft to my ceiling. I know, he's a frontline warrior and whenever he's called out I know to expect him in my infirmary either carrying his twin or his twin carrying him. But it's getting old… quickly.

It's the other times he comes in here that are really bothering me. So much so that I'm thinking I should talk to Prime and Prowl about it.

I think he's hurting himself.

I think he may be trying to kill himself, but I have no real proof.

Even Sideswipe has been in here trying to piece it all together and I'm just as much at a loss as he is on what to do to help Sunstreaker.

I'm doing inventory when it finally hits me… when it finally all starts coming together… and I realize I can't stay silent anymore… not when the evidence is staring me in the face.

A new shipment of Versed was missing… and it had just come in the previous day. It wasn't a drug to be messed with. It caused drowsiness, amnesia, and it is highly addictive. If Sunstreaker has it… and if he takes an overdose of it….

"Prime," I yell through my comlink. "Someone needs to find Sunstreaker. Now." I slammed my data pad down on the table and ran from the infirmary. We had to find him… I would not allow there to be any other option…

**Sideswipe's POV**

Where is he? He hasn't returned to our quarters now in two nights. We fought… we always fight these days but this time it was worse. We both said things that we never should have said, things I wish I could take back and would if only he'd come back to our room.

I called him a coward for letting Prowl go… for not fighting for him… Primus, what was I thinking? I'm no better than Cliffjumper for saying those things to him. I hadn't meant to say them… but I'd meant to hurt him… for hurting me. It was childish. I have to find him and tell him I'm sorry, even if he can't say the words back to me.

Decision made, I slide off my bunk and am out the door just as Ratchet goes running down the hall. What's happened now? I turn and run to catch up with him.

"What's going on?" I ask him worriedly.

"Do you know where your twin is?" he asked hurriedly. I shake my head. "Damnit. I'm missing a whole shipment of one of my heavier drugs. We need to find him and we need to find him now." I nod as his words cut through me.

Sunstreaker's been gone for two days… and Ratchet is missing a shipment of drugs… not a good combination. I veer off and head for Prowl's office, banging on the door. It slides open and Prowl is there, looking at me… and he knows.

"Where is he? What's happened?"

"He's missing," I tell him, the pain and fear bleeding into my voice. "And Ratchet's missing a shipment of drugs as well."

"What do you mean missing?" he asks me even as he joins me in the halls and we head topside to start the search.

"He hasn't been back to our room in two days," I admit quietly. "We had an argument, we both said things we shouldn't have said… and now this…" Prowl stopped and grabbed me by the arm, holding me tightly.

"We'll get him back, Sideswipe and when we do, the three of us… have to talk." I nod slowly just before he steps closer and kisses my forehead before transforming and heading out of the base. I watch him go, then transform and take off as well.

Wherever you are, Sunstreaker, we'll find you, we'll bring you home and we'll make things right again. I swear it…

_TBC_


	9. Chapter 9

-1Regarding Sideswipe Chapter 9

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and thanks to those of you still following this story. Sorry the chapters recently have been short, but it seems to be working better that way than to just keep waiting for more to come so, please just bare with me. Thanks. Here's Chapter 9 finally… please read and review.

Warning: much angst ahead. Bring the tissues…I totally blame the soundtrack for the movie for my mood while writing this…

**Ratchet POV**

I was the one who found him, our golden warrior, lying face down at the bottom of a ravine, energon pooled beneath his chest plates, optics offlined and his spark barely pulsing. In his hand I found a data pad which I subspaced for the time being as soon as heard engines from above us. I looked up to find Prowl, Sideswipe and others slowly making their way down the cliffs to where Sunstreaker lay.

"Prowl, keep Sideswipe back. I'll need Prime's help to move Sunstreaker." I did not want Sideswipe to see how bad his brother was, didn't need him to realize there might be nothing I could do to save him at this point. Prime came down the cliffs with Wheeljack and First Aid behind him, Prowl taking Sideswipe off to one side where Ironhide joined him for the moment as well. Prime knelt next to me and sighed softly, his hand resting on Sunstreaker's back.

"Ah, Sunstreaker," he whispered softly before looking to me. "Can he be saved?"

"I'll do my best," I tell him quietly. He nods and together, with help from Aid and Jack, we lift the golden warrior carefully and begin the trek back up the cliffs to where Prime's trailer is waiting for us. I climb in along side Sunstreaker's body and the trailer closes. I hear Prime give the order to head back to base as I slowly begin to catalogue Sunstreaker's injuries… and there are too damn many to count at the moment.

"Why, Sunny," I whisper softly. "You could have come to me, I'd have listened…" I'd have done anything to keep this from happening.

The ride back to base was short and before I knew it, I found myself back in the infirmary, the yellow mech on a berth, myself, First Aid and Wheeljack doing what we could to save him. Outside in the waiting area, I knew Sides, Prowl and Prime were hoping for good news. I was just praying I could give them some…

Seven hours later, I had Sunstreaker stabilized and it looked as if he might just live. Wheeljack and First Aid began the clean up while I walked out to the waiting area where a large group of bots waited for news. I was shocked at the number of bots waiting but I guess, in all honesty, I shouldn't have been; not after the way things had been in the last several months. Prowl stood, followed by Sides but I waved them back to their seats.

"He's stabilized for now. I don't know when or if he'll actually come back online on his own or not. The fall was bad enough, but he struck several rocks on the way down which did extensive internal damage as well as structural damage. His spark is online, though, which means he might pull through this, but the next couple of days will tell us for sure." I hated being clinical, but I couldn't get emotional about it. I knew just how close we'd come to losing him and how close I was to throwing it all in and letting him go, but I'd never do it. We needed him whether he believed it or not.

"Can I see him?" Sideswipe asked softly and I nodded and watched as Prowl walked him into the infirmary. I looked at the others.

"The rest of you, if you're not injured get the hell out of my waiting area and go recharge somewhere else. You can see him later."

I turned and walked back into the infirmary, trusting Prime to see to it that my orders were followed. Back inside, Prowl and Sideswipe stood next to the berth where Sunstreaker lay and I saw it in their optics… they knew how close we'd come to losing him, how close we still were to losing him.

"You two need to rest," I told them after a few minutes of silence. "And not in here. Go back to your quarters and rest." Prowl looked at me for a moment and I thought he was gong to argue with me, but instead, he turned back to Sideswipe, wrapped an arm around the younger bot and pulled him away with him. I watched them leave then sat down in a nearby chair and pulled out the data pad I'd found with Sunstreaker earlier that day.

_Will it be enough? Enough to prove I'm not the traitor they still think me to be? Enough to prove that I love Prowl and Sideswipe both, even though others think me incapable of love? Enough to prove I can walk away to save everyone even if all I want to do is stay and be loved? I can feel it… inside of me now… the drug I stole from Ratchet. I'm sorry for that, Ratchet. I know you'll feel responsible but don't. It's my decision. I'm sorry I wasn't enough for any of them… I couldn't protect Sides enough, I couldn't love Prowl enough, couldn't defend Prime enough, couldn't do my job and still love the ones I needed most._

_Regarding Sideswipe though… whoever finds this… tell him, tell him I love him, that I have always loved him and that no matter what happens, I always will… and I want him to take care of Prowl for me because I know Prowl will need him once I'm gone…_

Tears fell down my faceplates as I read that data pad and I looked at the mech lying near me, the one I'd just spent several hours fighting to save. Would it be enough? I could only hope that the answer would be yes…

**Prowl's POV**

I wasn't about to leave Sideswipe alone, not after what his twin had just gone through. No, if we lost Sunstreaker, I wasn't going to lose Sideswipe. I took him back to my quarters with me and he didn't argue which bothered me a great deal. Sideswipe always argues.

He walks around the room, almost as if he is lost and I don't know what to do for him; much like I didn't know what to do for his twin which is how I lost him. I never should have pushed Sunstreaker away. I should have told him I loved him because it was true then; it's still true now. But I couldn't because I though that, by doing so, I was going to cause a rift between him and Sideswipe and I wasn't going to do that.

Now I realize just how wrong I was to let him go… to let them both go.

"Sides," I say quietly and the red mech turns to look at me and I see such hopelessness in his optics and there is nothing I can say or do that will take that look away. But I walk over to him and pull him against me, holding him, doing the only thing I know to do in that moment.

He comes to me, his arms wrapped around me, his head against my shoulder, and I feel the shuddering vibrations that mean he is trying to not to cry. I know how that feels. It's weakness and I hate showing any kind of weakness but I think, maybe, if I'd shown some weakness in the first place, things would have never come so far or gotten so bad.

"It's okay to cry," I whisper to him as I hold him even tighter and then I feel it… the first drop of energon on my shoulder followed by another and I know he only needed to hear me say it was okay. His arms around me tighten and I push us both back to the berth and sit down, pulling him with me and just holding him even as my own tears fall from my optics.

"I should have told him I loved him," I whisper softly. "I never should have pushed him away." Sideswipe looked up at me and he was so damn close… almost too close… but I wasn't going to push him away.

"He knew you loved him," Sideswipe whispered. "He was just afraid that his love for you wasn't enough to keep you happy. He thought you didn't want us both and that he was going to hurt you…" I slowly shook my head and brushed a hand down the side of his face.

"Love you both, Sides, and I was afraid I was going to come between the two of you and I couldn't do that. You're twins, you're already bonded to each other and I didn't want to come between that." Sideswipe shook his head and leaned in closer and I felt him brush his mouth against mine gently.

"We'd very much like you between us," he whispered and I laughed softly, my hand brushing his back gently as I did so.

"Nice to know," I answered even as I pulled him closer and just held him. "I hope we have a chance to make things right…"

"Me too," Sideswipe answered softly, resting his head on my shoulder once more…

_TBC… just a note, I figure this story has maybe one or two more chapters before it'll be done. Please remember to review. Thanks!_


	10. Chapter 10

-1Regarding Sideswipe - 10

A/N: Wow, so here we are at the end of the story. Ten chapters, not that bad I guess. I know the last couple were kind of like "omg, no way!" but it worked out for the best. No more sequels in this series. I think this is the way it's supposed to end because my inner voices are now kicking my butt to finish Refund so I can start posting the one shots that I have to go with it but anywho…

Thanks for all the great reviews of this fic. Thanks for following it and for keeping up with me even when I abandoned this one for a while in favor of adding more to Refund.

Enjoy and I hope to get lots of reviews for this final chapter. Don't let me down!

(One week later)

**Sideswipe's POV**

I was sitting at his side when his optics finally came back online. At first, I wasn't really looking at him. I was reading through a data pad of things Prowl had left me to look over. I'd have probably missed it except, his hand moved and I turned and his optics were bright, and focused on me for a brief moment before they dimmed slightly and he looked so young and so afraid that, for a moment, I thought maybe it had just been a fluke.

But then he spoke and I knew it was him.

"Sides," he whispered softly and I nodded, setting down the data pad and reaching out to brush my fingertips down the side of his face.

"I'm here, bro," I answered him quietly. He looked at me again and I saw the energon in his optics spill over onto his face.

"I'm sorry," he choked out softly and I leaned closer, brushing a kiss against his face as I did so.

"Don't be, Sunny," I told him softly. "It'll be okay. I promise." His optics dimmed again after that and when Ratchet came in half a breem later, I told him what had happened. He checked the monitors and made a few notes, but he didn't seem as excited as I thought he should be.

"I'm only being cautious," he explained when I questioned him about it. "I want him to wake up and be healthy and normal again just as much as you and Prowl, but you have to understand. He took and large overdose of that drug. I don't know what it did to his memory banks or his cpu in general. I won't know until he's fully awake and functioning." I know what he's referring to and I try to ignore it, but it's there, nagging me in the back of my mind…

Sunstreaker may wake up and join the land of the living again… but that doesn't necessarily mean I'll get my brother back… or that Prowl will get his lover back… because the reality is, whatever drug Sunstreaker injected into his system could very well leave him with permanent mental damage.

But I'll still love him… and I'll take care of him… no matter what, I will never leave his side.

And I'm sure now that Prowl never will either…

And just like that... as I think of him, I look and find him standing in the doorway watching us both. He's always watched over us, even before he and Sunstreaker became lovers. I just never noticed. I wish I had…

He walks over and brushes a hand along the side of Sunny's face before he leans down to kiss him gently. Then he walks over to me and repeats the gesture with me. It's the same as it's been for the past week. He refuses to let either one of us go. Sometimes I think it's through his will alone that we're both still alive and in one piece. He keeps us strong.

I look back at Sunny as I tell Prowl about what happened. He smiles a little and holds Sunny's hand.

"Next time try to stay awake a little longer, Sunshine," he whispers softly. "I miss hearing your voice and I miss the color of your optics when you first wake…" And I know that tone of voice now, the one that means he's close to tears and yet is still trying to be strong. He looks over at me and sighs softly.

"You have patrol in the morning. I'll sit with him." I nod and stand from the seat and brush a hand down the side of his face. It is all the intimacy he will allow me for now and I'll take what I can get. I step around him and lean down to kiss my twin on the forehead.

"Love you. I'll be back tomorrow." There is no movement, no acknowledgement that he's heard me and I stand back up and walk from the infirmary. I can only hope that tomorrow will prove to be better for us all.

**Prowl's POV**

Sideswipe is on patrol when Sunstreaker wakes that morning. I've been watching him all night and when his optics come online there is nothing I want more than to pull him into my arms and hold him for as long as I can. He looks at me and smiles softly at me. I reach out and take his hand in mine.

"I love you," I tell him because I won't let another chance go by…I won't let the words slip away before I say them. And he smiles at me and squeezes my hand.

"I love you, too," he tells me. "I'm sorry we couldn't get things right," he whispers.

"It's okay, Sunny," I tell him softly, leaning over to kiss him gently. "We have time to get it right. I'm not going to leave and I'm not going to push either of you away again."

"Glad to hear it," he whispers softly. "Tell Sideswipe I love him when he comes back, would you?"

"Of course," I tell him…

…and then it happens…

His optics dim, flicker once, and then go black. Machines start screaming around him and Ratchet and Wheeljack are there, shoving me out of the way and I'm watching in complete astonishment as Ratchet tries to shock Sunny's spark back into existence once more…

I'm still standing there several minutes later, unable to move or say anything, when Ratchet covers the yellow protoform with a sheet and turns to look over at me. Wheeljack has gone to inform Optimus but I still can't get it through my own mind.

He can't be gone.

But Ratchet tells me that he is, that we've lost him, and as much as I want to break down and cry, all I can think of is… where is Sideswipe and who is with him on patrol…

Which is about the time Ironhide walks in, Sideswipe in his arms, the red mech seizing and fritzing, trying to fade and yet fighting to live at the same time. Ratchet takes him and I'm forced out of the infirmary by Prime who has followed Ironhide through the base…

What will I do if I lose them both…

What will I do…

**Prime's POV**

"It is never easy when we lose comrades, brothers, lovers, friends. Each loss takes a part of us, and commits a part of the one we've lost to our own sparks and memories. It is even harder when that loss is so sudden and we are not prepared for the loss that comes and we grieve in such a way that we feel as if nothing will ever heal our sparks again. But we must always remember that, even though the one we bury can no longer be seen or felt, they reside within the Matrix and one day, we shall all again be one…"

There are times when I hate my job as a leader.

Today is one of those times.

Burying friends is never easy, but as a leader I have had to do it more times than I can count. It is not something I want to get proficient at doing; not now, not ever.

I watch Prowl carefully from where I stand and I see him, stoic as ever; he has no more tears left to cry or so he tells me. He has cried them all in the past few days and I have, on more than one occasion, been fearful for his very life.

I turn and see the others, those who both loved and hated Sunstreaker, those who saw him as friend and those who saw him as nothing more than an ally to be spoken to only when absolutely necessary. They all mourn his loss and, even more so, the loss of his beloved twin.

Twins are a rare gift to the Cybertronians. But Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were made even more rare by the fact that their spark split at the moment of it's creation and became two sparks that were never truly complete without the other. They might have only ever been one mech, but they became two halves to the whole, darkness to light, day to night, black to white, good to bad, and everything in between.

We should have known that one would not die without the other.

Prowl swears to me he has no regrets, that he finally said the words to them both on that last day…

I watch him, his hands resting on either pod, lips moving in silent words. I won't disturb him. I'll give him his privacy, his time alone to say goodbye.

As I walk away from the island where we have set up a sort of… mausoleum to bury our brothers, I am reminded of words I'd read not too long ago during one of my searches on the internet…

_Do not stand at my grave and weep  
>I am not there; I do not sleep.<br>I am a thousand winds that blow,  
>I am the diamond glints on snow,<br>I am the sun on ripened grain,  
>I am the gentle autumn rain.<br>When you awaken in the morning's hush,  
>I am the swift uplifting rush<br>Of quiet birds in circled flight.  
>I am the soft stars that shine at night.<br>Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
>I am not there; I did not die…<em>

So… there you go. That is the end of this series. I know, some of you are going to ask what happened to Prowl, how did he cope, does he go on… well, that, my dear readers, is up to you to decide.

The poem is by Mary Elizabeth Frye and was written in 1932.

Thanks again for reading. +Peace+


End file.
